Silence is golden and 3rd Tri here we come...

Hi friends, it's been a while. A long long while.  I missed writing but life caught up to me and I have just been enjoying it as much as I can.  Popping in once in a while to see the updates from this little group of ours has given me such great joy that you have added to your families or just finding out about a little miracle growing inside. 

I can't believe I'm at the tail end of my 27th week already (!) Since my last post, every appointment, test and ultrasound we have passed with flying colours and I am just so grateful and thankful.   I would have the smallest grain of fear and doubt each time but I would be proven wrong and felt guilty or silly for assuming the worst when in fact, this little baby is growing well and is strong.

My medical team has been great, I have been seen frequently by both my OB as well as my endo - and I've had enough blood drawn to seriously help someone through a transfusion I think. But I don't mind, because each time I'm given the results (that my thyroid levels keep going in the right direction) - I feel like an A+ student earning more stars.   What we are discussing now though, is 1) that the baby continues to grow and 2) the action plan in case of a flare up post-birth. 

Starting this coming Monday, we will get to see our little miracle via ultrasound every 2 weeks until I'm full term/38 weeks.  That's a LOT of ultrasounds - but my OB wants to keep close monitor now that we are in the home stretch, and any slight change in the baby's thyroid levels are detected before something goes wrong.  In my last appointment, we had a frank conversation about still birth. As with any regular pregnancy it can happen, and with my condition it is just another risk we want to watch out for and can detect hopefully with such close monitoring.  At this point, my thyroid antibody levels are still high, which mean it will likely have an affect on baby's thyroid while in gestation. 

I myself have been feeling great, the symptoms I experience while in the hot phase of this disease has disappeared, and just replaced with the regular pregnancy 'ailments' like back pains and headaches here and there. I started prenatal yoga at the beginning of the new year and it has helped me restore and refocus - and giving me a connection with this new baby that I hadn't let myself have previously.  I remember when I did prenatal yoga and aquafit with Elliott it was the best thing I could do for my body and mind, so this time around I want to make sure I give the same benefits to myself and the baby.  Baby has been very active with kicks and punches and rolls and flips - it is a nice reminder that God is good and to continue being faithful.

E has been doing great, he's starting to understand more and more each day where the baby is (points to my tummy or kisses my belly) - but until the baby is here he won't fully grasp that another little person will be apart of this family (how could he when I can barely grasp that?).  We moved him to his big boy bed just before Christmas and hubby and I had so much fun doing his room - the big reveal was the best when he squealed and jumped on his new bed for the first time.   We opted to move him right up to a double since we would be needing the convertible crib for the baby and it's just amazing to see my little boy all grown up in his big boy room and bed.   The first night I went to check in on him he looked so tiny on the big bed and it brought back memories of when we first put him in his crib when he was a newborn.  

Hubby and I have been doing good, just processing each day that the dynamics of our family and marriage will change once again,but we are as ready as we can be and knowing that we have been through it all (married fights are so much more different than dating fights, don't you think) - we can do it again. 

So that's pretty much a summary of what's been going on, I'm pretty sure I will wish I had updated more on this pregnancy but I'm sure I will in the coming weeks and months.  I have already declared my last day at work to be near the end of March as my OB doesn't think it would be a good idea to go to 40 weeks. So my due date will likely be early/mid April vs. end.  She wants to discuss induction between 38-39 weeks (I'm freaking out a bit about this) but I understand the reasoning behind it.  I just don't want a long drawn out labour when I had such a quick one with E.  

We'll cross that bridge when we get there I suppose!! 

Glad to hear everyone is doing well - praying and thinking of you all every day!
 

Appointments, schma-ppointments

Tomorrow - 1st Appt with new endocrinologist at hospital 
Oct 11 - IPS Screening at 12w2d 
Oct 16 - Part 2 IPS / Blood draw
Oct 29 - 1st Appt with High-risk OB at hospital

and oh btw in between there I'm planning a 2 year old's bday party, have Cdn Thanksgiving, two weddings back to back - boy, October is looking mighty busy!  

A bit nervous for next week's IPS, I just can't believe we're at this point already. I'm mentally prepared to get bad news. How awful is that?!?? I just hope I can regain some confidence and raw hope that I once had - but I know it will never be the same until I am holding a live baby.  

I've definitely popped sooner than last time with Elliott, and I've been getting some raised eyebrows at work from other ppl (only some close friends at work/my mgr's know) even though I've been wearing jackets over dresses, it just looks suspicious. I think I might be going crazy but I swear I can feel something - in fact, I am sure I can feel some bubbles and flips and it's not my imagination.  I don't recall when I felt it with Elliott, probably not until way into 2Tri but for some reason I'm just getting this feeling at night time especially.  Or maybe I should lay off the Halloween candy.... 

;) 

Will keep you ladies posted on the outcomes of next week....

Waiting

Hi friends,
So, I'm still pregnant. 

It feels surreal to say it, but I'm 10w1d now and already starting to show. It's starting to get really real. 

We saw Cell* via the dating ultrasound 2 weeks ago requested by the high risk OB (still haven't gotten an appt yet, they need 'proof' before they accept the referral) and I was fully prepared to hear the ultrasound tech say 'well, there isn't anything in there, just your imagination and a bunch of lemon pee sticks that tricked you".  

I even asked after the first few clickety clicks "so..is there something there?"  The tech laughed and said 'OH YES. there definitely is, I just haven't gotten to the baby yet I'm still taking measurements of your uterus'.  

Heart thump. (mine) 

DH was standing behind the tech secretly recording the whole thing (he got into trouble for taking a pic so decide to take a video on his phone instead, tsk.) and about 5 minutes later when the tech moved onto the baby - he says "oh wow, there's the heart beating!" 

Double heart thump.  (mine) 

By LMP compared to the actual measurements, I was ahead by 1 day but it was accurate based on my oh-so-factual online calculator I had done before going into the appt.  Exactly 8w6d. Heart BPM 164.  

I haven't had any other bloodwork done since back in August when we were confirming the pregnancy, but all the symptoms are there.  Chest has filled out once again, super overload of discharge (we're beyond TMI here ladies), extremely sore breasts in the morning and when I poke them during the day. Smells get to me. Certain food textures get to me. Feeling ligament stretchiness down there. Oh and the unmistakeable once a gut but now can't suck it in bump.  

Yet still, I am not letting myself go there. I'm not letting myself be overly excited or happy.  There are so many questions that only God knows what He has planned for our family.  I saw another surgeon on Thursday, apparently he was about to do a thyroidectom.y on a pregnant woman in her 2nd tri, also with Graves but she was unable to control her thyroid levels even with high doses of medication.  He checked me out and said I may not need to have surgery, lots of women with Graves go on to have healthy pregnancy and babies. 

Really? 

Glimmer of hope there.

So that's my update for now healthwise, I'm tired as ever and I just want to nap all day but alas, I still need to earn a paycheck.  Hoping to get Elliott started on potty training soon (I'm so nervous) and save some $$ on diapers.  He's been having a lot more outbursts/tantrums lately and although he does eventually come out of them, it's so hard to keep your cool when you have a little child screaming and crying and not being consoled no matter what trick in the bag you can pull.  It gets exhausting but I'm praying that this too shall pass and it's part of the terrible two's phase everyone talks about. 

The other 90 percent of the time he is still one happy energetic, curious and playful almost 2 year old (1 more month!). I hold and hug E so tight every day and count my blessings each time I see him learn something new or add another new word to his vocabulary.  He is the brightest little boy I know and every one that meets him gushes about him to me.  I really am the proudest mom ever.



*I know that it is no longer a ball of cells but DH and I referred to the back then ball of cells so we wouldn't get too attached, knowing all the circumstances.  Kinda of stuck. Not the most endearing of names but it works as a sort of emotional barrier for now.

Unimaginable Part Deux

So have we all come out of shock yet? I haven't.

Also for the record, you all are so sweet, but my dear boy is not 2 until October hehe. 

Ok on we go with the rest of the developing story: 

DH and I walked back to the parking lot after leaving the hospital, speechless at first and then exclaiming, "can you believe this is happening?" several times. DH couldn't help but start getting excited and talking about how we should think about moving E to a big boy room and oh, this too. STOP. I hadn't for one second thought that this was all going to end up in a real live, healthy baby because truth is, friends, I was/am SCARED TO DEATH. I never imagined that me finding out I was pregnant would be in front of hospital staff and mere strangers, and I never thought that I would get pregnant with Graves Disease, given all the statistics.  More importantly I couldn't help but think, that this pregnancy is doomed from the start. Call me Debbie Downer but I need to protect myself and not get TOO HOPEFUL.

So I saw my endo the very next day and got gold stars on my 'attitude' about it. Which was, I want to do whatever it takes to get healthy again, and healthy enough to sustain this pregnancy to term.  However that being said, I will not be distraught if this pregnancy ends up in miscarriage because I knew the odds. My endo was actually really surprised at how calm I was and that she said I still needed to have the surgery, but will have to consult with the surgeon the pros vs. cons.  I've since been referred by my surgeon to a high risk OB and a fellow surgeon at a sister hospital. Appointments will be late September.  For now, I think they want to wait and see (as do I ) in terms of what will unfold naturally. 

Let me pause here. 


In the past 2 weeks since we found out I was pregnant, I have actually been feeling great (with reference to my Graves) I haven't had anxiety, heart palpitations, eye issues diminished, etc).  I have felt queasy and nauseous at times but never throwing up.  Tired as ever. Stretchy and crampy down there through week 5. Thought to myself 'oh here we go' but nothing. No spotting, nothing.  We're into week 6 as of this past Tuesday.

What worries me too, is that I hadn't taken any prenatal vitamins since E was born. I started again the day I found out I was pregnant. 
I also had wine during the weekend when I was away on a girl's trip to the cottage. And lots of junk food. 

There are so many things that I didn't prepare for and I feel guilty and responsible. But at the same time, I am bewildered and thankful that God sent us this glimmering hope, that, even if this pregnancy does not work out, that I could possibly still get pregnant down the road.  

Oh and of course the betas. I haven't really kept track of when I ovulate but but 2 sets of beta are the following: 

Beta #1: 145 
Beta #2: 325

Doubling time 41.2 hours. 

I'm not going to look too much into it - right now it's still so early and anything could happen.  I don't want to be crushed again.

Unimaginable Part One

Hi friends, it's been a while.  A LONG. while.  

Lots and lots to update on, hmmm, where do I start? 

Elliott will be TWO in October, TWO! Mind blowing that he is well on his way to being a super-toddler and no longer mommy's little bumblebee. He is happy, curious, inquisitive, sometimes hot headed, prefers running vs. walking, loves to be read to, loves being swung during walks, AND we couldn't be luckier. and happier that he is healthy and has had amazing development in just 2 years. 

I Love Chasing Bubbles, peeps!

Washing sweaty hands and feet in the kitchen sink after morning walk/park

I may have mentioned it before, but my all-time favourite part of the day is picking him up from my mom's. The shrieks and giggles and running into my arms almost makes it worth it to be away while I'm working (now from home office a lot more). We 'talk' on the phone every day just before noon, and although his vocabulary is still not full blown sentences, he manages 'Hiii mama' and something about what he's playing with, and a 'lurf uuu'.  :) He's getting heavier (not sure how much, maybe 28Lbs?) and taller each day - I'm fairly short (4'11) and DH is 5'7 so I hope Elliott surpasses both of us in height one day as I'm sure he will :). He still has his bottle 3 times a day but he eats his normal food great, and lately he's been loving whole grapes and mangoes. Really bad habit of watching Nemo or Cars on the portable DVD during dinner, but we don't mind because it is his 'treat'. A plus, he eats.  He hasn't had any major sicknesses (knock on wood) so far - I have a lot of friends IRL that have been through countless # of ear infections, bronchitis, respiratory infections, colds, flus - but thankfully nothing serious with E that would require a trip to the hospital.

As for me, well here is where it gets interesting. Since my last post if you recall, I was just in the midst of getting the diagnosis and referral to a new endo. Turns out she was a blessing and extremely caring and helpful to me as I was figuring out what to do. I've never had access to a dr that would take calls outside of office hours, and that I could email, no less?  Bizarre. But I was so grateful that she was so accessible to me, as the sequence of events I will tell you is something I could not make up.  

Around March - April, I started a medication called Tapazol.e. It is an anti-thyroid drug that would function as a thyroid suppressant, so my thyroid would slow down production of hormones that my immune system was attacking. The idea is to be on this medication for 12-18 months, after which, you are weaned off to see if your body 'took' it and restarted itself back to normal function.  I was on Tapazole for a total of 3 weeks, before I broke out in hives all over my chest, back and legs.  I was advised to stop it immediately and see an allergist before going to the second ATD of choice, PTU.  I was cleared to take PTU (even though the side effects of liver damage are greater chance than Tap).  As I was on PTU for another 3 weeks until the blood results (taken every 4-6 weeks) revealed that although my thyroid levels were normalized (T4, T3) - my liver enzymes were elevated 5 times normal and again, was told to stop the medication immediately.  I should also mention that I told my endo that we would still like to try for another baby soon, so let's do what we can to get my body to that point. She understood my end goal, and also said matter of factly, that my body is no where near capable of sustaining a pregnancy in this hyper.thyroid state,  and could actually be the underlying reasoning in my miscarriages prior. Interesting.

Luckily my liver repaired itself and was not (and have not been) on medication ever since this past June 26.  My last two options was like choosing between one poison over the next. Radioactive Abal.ation (kill thyroid gland slowly by swallowing a radioactive pill) or Surgery (Total Thyroidectom.y to remove the gland).  And (I asked) If you do nothing, thyroid levels will shoot right back up and you could risk eventual thyroid storm, or eventual heart disease.   

DH and I discussed all our 'options' and picked surgery as the best of the worst possible choices we would have to make. I felt that radiation did not fit for me because I still wanted to make babies and waiting another year would be too long, plus the side effects of radiation pill has not been studied so who knows if I could develop something else even worse (cancer) down the road...  
So we went through the referral process and we were VERY lucky to be accepted and seen by a surgeon within a few weeks (usually a very long wait depending on other urgent cases). Guess I was considered urgent?. Met the surgeon, he shoved a camera up my nose to see down my throat, I cried and bawled in my husband's arms that this was my reality and it hit me that surgery really is no joke.

Fast forward to Aug 14. The day of my pre-op appt. I was sick to my stomach the day before, with anxiety.  You meet with all the members of the medical team that will be a part of your surgery day, pre and post.  We hadn't been given a surgery date yet, but the hospital likes to do the pre-op first, so that you can be called on anytime after that and wouldn't have to go through the process then.  Had lots of blood taken, an EKG, Pharma, Anesthia, the works, come and talk to me.  

Before heading to X-ray,  I had to share with the nurse that I was on CD28 and with this disease, I had always been regular 26 day cycle. It was not a possibility, but a chance.  They added on an extra test to the blood already taken from me and were told to wait and not head into Xray.  just in case. DH and I went to grab food in the hospital cafeteria and decided to pop by the pharmacy as well. just out of curiousity. Went to the public restroom, shoved the test back into my purse and checked it together 4 minutes later. Two lines. There is no way. There is no way. Is this thing expired?.  Followed by panic and nervousness as we made our way back to the pre-op dept and I was told there that yes indeed, I was pregnant, confirmed by blood results.  I nearly fell off my chair. I know exactly when it 'happened' but in my and DH's mind, we thought that the possibility of my actually being able to conceive was less than 1% in state.  Apparently, we beat the odds.  Now while you may be reading this with your jaw opened, but let me tell you the fear quickly set in.  Being pregnant with Gr.aves can be potentially dangerous to both the mother and growing fetus.  Especially in my case, where I couldn't take any of the meds available to help control the thyroid and consequently immune response. You risk increased hyper symptoms, preclampsia, pre-term labour, still birth, the list goes on.   Needless to say our pre-op appt was cut short and we were asked to see my endo immediately so she could provide them with a new action plan. 

Disbelief. shock. Worry. In awe.

To be continued..... 

He's not a 'baby' anymore

Thank you so much for your thoughts and encouragement in my last post.  God heard my prayers and yesterday morning I got a call to a new end.ocrinologist that I requested my family dr. a referral to, and I managed to get in later this morning for an appointment (next one is in June!) 

Hope she is the right person to guide me through to close to perfect health again soon. 

Now in the last post, it was all about me.  What I neglected to say was that I am completely and utterly baffled that each day I look at my son and see how much he changes day to day. He's growing taller and taller, and the other day I saw the beginnings of a run. Yes, my little E, my Sprout baby, is now officially a toddler. His vocabulary is still not so expansive, his favourite (and in the past week only) word is car.  He points to cars on the streets, highways, books, toys, stickers - anywhere he can find a car he will point to it and say caaa-ar! I am not sure we are doing nearly enough to help along with his words but I am sure it will all come out one day and then that day I'm going to wish this stage lasted a bit longer.  He is such a smart boy, like, REALLY smart (I know, mother's bias) - I can tell him to pick up his toys, go get your panda, go drink some water from your sippy cup, can you find me your ball, what about your 'first words' book - and he is bang on, every time. So proud and so happy that although he can't verbalize to us yet, he can pretty much understand what we are saying to him. 


He's been doing really well at my mom's during the day.  We had one panic attack situation about a month ago when I was in an all-day workshop in an area of the building with poor cell phone reception. I talked to E and my mom at noon before heading back in, and thought nothing of it to put my purse (on silent) in my purse underneath my chair.  When I checked the phone at the end of the coffee break, I was so shocked and worried to see 5 missed calls, text messages from my husband (on both text and whats.ap.p), emails, etc.  Apparently out of no where, E started screaming and crying and clutching his belly - and he was inconsolable. My mom tried everything to comfort him and to help him calm down but NOTHING was working and she started to worry that something was terribly wrong.  She tried calling me several times and couldn't get a hold of me so she called my dad at work and he called my husband.  Luckily DH was able to cancel his meetings and catch the next train up (it's about 15 mins express +10 min drive to my parents) and by the time I rushed out of work and called them, he had finally stopped crying (this was going on for 2 hours without me having a clue) and my hubby was putting him down for a nap after he was absolutely exhausted. 


You cannot even imagine how horrible I felt.  As a mother, for the first time, I wasn't there for my baby when something was wrong.  I wasn't able to be there for my mom either, in a situation where she counted on me.  It was just an awful feeling in my gut that at that moment, I didn't care at all about work, and even said to myself - this is not worth it. I know I won't be able to be there for him all the time (think about school, sleep overs, etc down the road) but it has never happened that I was that much out of reach and touch. I blamed myself for not having the phone on my lap and on vibrate. I blamed myself for not checking my phone the minute we took the break during the workshop. 


Later that evening, E started getting the chills after his bath and developed a fever, throwing up everything, the works. We had an awful night all around and we called our T.el.e.health emergency line to ask for help and see if we should be taking him to the ER.  Thankfully it turned out that it may have been a stomach virus and the next day he was weak but definitely in better spirits.  Very scary, and very helpless watching your baby suffer or be in pain. 

Other than that episode, E generally is a very happy baby and sleepwise, he's still doing 11-12 hours straight a night, with the odd wake up here and there but he settles back into sleep within minutes by himself. We still have not weaned him off the bottle (he has 3 bottles of homo milk a day - one when he wakes up, one at early afternoon, and one at bedtime.) I am very scared to take the bottle away because he loves it so much and he is still eating his solids well. I think I will try doing 1 less a day and replace it with milk with his meals slowly - but I really am not looking forward to the resistance (or maybe I'm making it a bigger deal than it is?)


Here are some pics over that last few months of my lil' monster: 

SMOOCHES - Aug 2011

  E and I went to our first wedding 'solo' - daddy had to work

Canadian Thanksgiving, Oct 2011 

 Colouring at Swi.ss Chalet

At a friend's birthday party at a play place

 Being silly at home

 Last weekend Mommy and E went to a women and babies only baby shower 

See how much he's changed?! 


 

 

Where do I begin...

First off, no, I am not pregnant again - in fact, a bit far from it. 
Before I scare any of you, I am doing ok, Elliott is doing amazing and changing every day.  But alas, I have some not so great news to share. 

Around early summer last year, I started getting alot of comments from my hubby, friends and family, about how skinny I'd become, I was wearing shorts (and I never have, since I was 15), and buying new clothes because nothing, not even my pre-pregnancy clothes, would fit.

I attributed it to running around chasing E, and of course, not really putting myself first when it came to eating properly.  I never picked up exercising regularly like I used to (the last time was likely when E was about 6 months old when we went to Baby F.it classes) but I really, truly did not think much of it.

I went in for a physical late November, about 2 weeks before I went back to work, and let me say here, that I never went for a physical/check up my entire mat leave.  Big mistake - please go to your doctor 2-3 months postpartum, I realize how important it is now!

So I asked my family doctor to test my thyroid levels because of the drastic weight loss, and wouldn't you know it, my th.yroid levels came back off the charts.  A normal person's T(4) levels would be from 9-23,  and I was charting >65. 

So yes, something was definitely off. I was considered to be in the Hyper.thyroid state.

I was referred to an endocr.inologist, specialist for hormones and also went to get an ultrasound on my thy.roid.  Nothing spectacular was found (thankfully) but there was enough concern of my blood test results that the endo wanted me to do a uptake scan to see how much iodine the thyroid would absorb, thus telling us what the issue was. 

This all took place between mid-Dec to beginning of January. 

I had a very strange suspicion that the reason I was hyperthyroid all of a sudden now was because all throughout my pregnancy (if you recall) I was on a low dosage of Thyroid medication, at the time, prescribed to me by my Auto-immune specialist whom I was seeing for unsuccessful pregnancies.
I don't ever recall being tested throughout my pregnancy but I do recall having enough refills to last me until 30 weeks. 

At the same time I was referred to the endo, I also did some research on my own and found a Naturo.path to take a look at my case and help me look at the causes of this vs. treating the symptoms.  It turns out I did the best thing I ever could for myself because the Naturo I found is honest, straightforward, and very logical in his way of talking to you.  He definitely thought that the catalyst for me going from a slightly under (hypo) thyroid state, that the medication and the pregnancy spun my hormones of out control.  It wasn't until we stopped breastfeeding did the weight start to come off drastically. 

The reason for weight loss in hyperthyroid individuals is because every organ in your system is kicked into high gear, but your thyroid is the one that controls your metabolism, therefore, overworked means high metabolism.  This has also had an adverse effect on my heart.  I had begun to feel slight palpitations about a month or so ago, even when I'm at rest.  Work got so stressful one day that I had to step away from my laptop and lie down on my couch.  Definitely NOT a fun experience. 

So as far as the iodine scan goes,  it turns out that I definitely have the beginning stages of what is called G.rave's Dis.ease.  It's a condition that, untreated, can be severely damage the thyroid to the point of it not working at all any more.  When talking to my naturopath, he says that he is not concerned that I am getting any worse any time soon because I have responded to some detox treatment very quickly already, but that I definitely have to change my diet and eat more of some things and less of others (darn it, chocolate)  I am also taking some natural supplements as well, and now I just need to commit to doing some regular exercise (like yoga, something easy) to help with my stress levels.


I have changed roles at work into something I really love right now so that part is definitely helping,  and overall, I am feeling ok, just the random heart palpitation will remind me that something's off. 


My naturo also said that in some cases, a 2nd pregnancy can even reverse the condition to a normal state, but I am not in a hurry any time soon until I am feeling more energy back and ready to take that plunge into yet another unknown. 


So big sigh and breath.


I'd like to use that whole issue as a reason for me not posting as often anymore but it wouldn't be fair.  I have been exhausted going through a number of tests (again, felt like a lab rat) but me not writing and updating is no excuse. I guess I just wanted to get all the 'facts' first, and lessen the questions raised here, in addition to my own worry in my head. 


I am thinking positive, and this is something I WILL overcome.  I just really hope that there is another rainbow baby in our future but of course, that cannot happen until I am on the path to being healthy again.



Long ramble.....appreciate all of your prayers and support if you can send some my way. Hugs and I miss you ladies very much! 

So much to catch up on...

The only excuse I have for not posting for omgosh the past...5 MONTHS (!)...well, I have none!  I enjoyed my last few months of mat leave with Elliott, his/my friends, busy trying to get my head wrapped around returning to work...and voila! here we are. I have missed you all dearly, my friends.

We have had a lot of milestones since I last posted.  Elliott started bursting teeth out of nowhere and it really took us a step back when it came to sleeping through the night and with eating. He also graduated from cruising to walking around furniture and then finally a few weeks ago, he let go and started walking a dozen steps at a time on his own.

October was a busy month as I turned into a 'Party Ma.ma' just kidding I was not ridiculous but in my work life, I work with large scale corporate events and this, oh my, it was one of those projects that I am so proud of - blood, sweat and tears.  I know Elliott will not remember his 1st birthday but it is something I will never forget ;)

We had a Monster Fun Birthday bash...I made turkey chili (with a chili bar chock full o'fixings), slow cooker pull pork mini sammies, and my mom carved out a watermelon monster and jello layered in the colour scheme of the party.  I made monsters out of dollar store car wash mitts, and risers I made from diaper boxes. We had a candy bar as favours for the adults, and pails with colouring books, Mum M.ums and baby Kan.ye glasses.  There was a play area we set up for the kiddies, and games for the adults ;)

My first day back to work was Dec 1. I cried myself to sleep the night before, after telling my husband that I feel like the "worst mom ever" because I truly felt like I was abandoning my baby.  And that he would have no clue why I was "gone". And that he would forget me in an instant. Tears also flowed the morning I grabbed my new laptop wheely bag and my coat. My husband stayed home the 1st and 2nd to help me ease into it, but I was just miserable.  I called him after his naptime, and at lunch, and on my afternoon break.  I just couldn't comprehend that I would no longer be there at his every move, awake or asleep, and reality sunk in that I no longer will have that precious time back, and my baby will no longer need me as much.

After a month and a half of being back to work full time, I am happy to report that we have fallen into a good rhthym, and I no longer cry leaving him with my mom.  The first two weeks we were both adjusting to this new schedule, and Elliott would cry every time I say good bye after dropping him off at my mom's.  Then, it got easier, until the point where he waves good bye to me and proceeds to look for his toys at grandma's.  I have watched him mature and grow before my eyes, and as much as my heart hurts to leave him behind when I go to work, I know that it is time for both of us to have some time / experiences a part. 

I'll be posting more soon, as some recent developments in my health need to be addressed.  Will explain more in detail in another post.

9 months, 2nd tooth, sleep re-training, crawling monkey

Wowee I think that's the longest I've ever gone without posting!!! I've been super pre-occupied with Elliott as I'm well aware that I will be going back to work in 4 months!! So every minute is definitely counting more when I know that I won't get to see him 12 hrs a day like I do now.


Gosh where do I start there has been so so much that has happened since the last post I may not remember it all.

To recap, we had to do some really hard sleep re-training because of his whole cold/separation anxiety period.  I knew it was too good to be true that my babe had slept through the night pretty much since he was 3 - 8 months! but somehow forgot how to amidst all the changes in the last little while. I am happy to report though, that for about a month now (knock on lots of wood), Elliott has been able to be put down and fall asleep on his own (no crying) and sleeps his reg 10-12 hrs a night. How'd we do it?  I'll tell you what method I followed in a bit. Got you hooked right?



So back to the recap. We tried everything, I mean everything to get him to go to sleep and stay asleep but all the 'nice' ways just weren't cutting it and I knew that it was important to find a solution right away because he was just becoming overtired and miserable. Neither my hubby nor I were getting any good straight sleep so we said enough is enough, we know our baby and he is a good sleeper so let's do this!  My DH googled some methods to try out and he showed me this site that had a step-by-step of the controlled crying method. Now I know some of you mama's are against letting your babe cry it out but this was really our last resort before we went mental. Trust me. 


So here's what we followed TO A TEE. The first night, Elliott cried for about an hour and a half. From the beginning, we went in every 5 mins, then 10 mins to pat him and tell him it's ok it's just bedtime, but stay no longer than 2 mins (we literally timed it on our phones and my hubby would wave at the door for me to come out.) We must gone in more than a dozen times and halfway through we heard him puke he was so upset. So we rushed in, cleaned him up, changed him, changed the sheets, and reassured him and started again.  He was mad as anything I'll tell ya.  But sure enough, he slowly calmed down, and then all of a sudden, silence, and blissful sleep overcame our tired out baby.  I felt horrible hearing him cry like that but I kept reminding myself that this was for his own good and that we were re-teaching him this very important skill that will benefit him million-fold down the road. 


We did the same method Day 2 and there was also vomit and crying and it took about the same time, an hour and a half to finally settle.  Now here's where it got interesting - Day 3 - E went down with a whimper and then settled himself into sleep as my hubby creeped out of his room.  I KNOW RIGHT?! We thought this must be a fluke but seriously, from that point on, he ate his solids, had a bottle, bedtime story (Goodnigh.t Moon) and into the crib with some eye rubbing and yawns.  


I'm not saying everyone should try this, do what's comfortable for you but if you are at your wit's end, you really have nothing to lose. But I have to say, you better be prepared to almost cry yourself, and have your partner there to support you because you really need to lean on each other. and stick to it. Don't waver and give in because consistency really is the key here. 


Here's the link to the site if you're interested (scroll down to the Controll.ed Crying section as there's a few methods on that site)

My well rested monkey

Teething

Elliott's second bottom tooth is out now and the teething pain was still as bad as the first but he seemed to get over the pain a few days quicker than the last. No top teeth yet but he continues to drool like a baby bulldog and bites and put anything and everything into his mouth.


Moving fast
About 3 weeks ago he went from a bum bum up in the air to a full on hand knee hand knee movement and I shrieked in excitement but then realized it was over for me. Gone are the days that I can put him beside me on the bed and cuddle, and gone are the days that I relax beside him or on the couch while he played on the activity mat.  He is become a super curious and inquisitive baby and I love watching him discover new things, whether it be different textures (grass, water, measuring cups, new foods) and I'm sure there is lots to look forward to but I want to freeze this moment in time because it is just so sweet.  Even if I am sweating every day chasing him around. He pulls himself up on a lot of things now, the coffee table, our headboard, the couches, just hasn't been able to pull to stand yet but I'm sure it's coming because he is SOLID on his legs. 


Weight

He is a bit on on the light side of the chart for weight, but the pediatrician says that he's growing right on track according to his own growth rate and there is nothing to worry about.  He weighed about 17 ish at his 9 month appt. We also swapped the order of his meals as he used to take a 5 oz bottle before his solids (mainly because he used to be so darn impatient) - so now we do solids and then the bottle and he still finishes it all. The idea is to get the most we could in him first with veggies, starches, fruits and calcium and so far it's working wonderfully.  I'm not overly concerned about his weight gain or slow gain as I know my hubby was a thin child by nature too (his family has CRAZY, I mean, CRAZY high metabolism - his sisters are all thin and gorge *jealous* ) so I'm sure Elliott has something of the same.  It's hard not to compare to other babies his age but I have to remember that as adults, we are all different shapes and sizes, and he is just the right size and on track for parents who are not 6 feet tall and big boned. 

Curious about everything!

He's recently started to squeal and yell randomly.  Sometimes it's out of excitement and sometimes just being whiny.  I am starting to realize that the next steps of teaching are to be manners and right and wrong. So far the words 'no no' bring a smile to his face more than I would like it to.  I'm sure we'll get there soon :) 

Watching us eat at Ribfest

My hubby and I celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary next week -I still can't believe that within those 5 years we moved twice, lost 3 babies, and have one now.  There have been lots of ups and our share of downs but 5 years is a milestone of great importance to us as I'm sure with a lot of married couples out there.  I am looking forward to what the next chapter looks like now that we have sorta gotten the hang of this whole 'being parents' thing.  Scared to death about trying for #2. 

Colds, Separation Anxiety and Army Crawl

Well it's been one heck of a week and a bit, to say the least. E got his first real, full-blown cold and boy, it was not pretty.  I felt so bad for him, as he would snort and try to breathe through the thick mucus plugged up in his wittle nose and he would scream his way through me trying to help him 'un-plug' it.  I bought a really useful nose pump called Hy.dras.ense for babies. Basically you control the sucking pressure, no don't worry, there is a filter in the pump so you won't accidentally snort in some boogie monsters.  The tricky part is, getting him to hold still! By the 4th day, he had simply given up fighting me and I was able to help him without getting my eye gouged out. 

During his off-week while being sick (and still a bit now), he developed a new thing: separation anxiety. It may be just that he wasn't feeling well so was super clingy and needy, but every time I went to put him down for a nap and walked away he would scream bloody murder but would fall asleep in my arms as soon as I picked him up. There are a few times when I've put him down on the blankie to play while I fix his bottle in the kitchen and he cries like I'm never going to come back for him. We are slowly but surely getting back to our 'routine' but man, this cold threw us for a loop. Thankfully he did not get a temperature and Tyle.nol cold for babies saved our butts.

But in other exciting news! My 8 month old munchkin is starting to show signs that crawling is just around the corner!  He first started by sticking his bum in the air and sort of stuck, but in the past few days, he has been pushing up on his forearms and sort of dragging his bottom half forward. He can also go around in circles just using his upper body - it's quite the sight LOL. 


Here is a video I took of his first attempts. I'm such a proud mama! 

3 Mouseketeers

Playdates are hilarious. Especially this one :) Happy Weekend!

New Blog Header Woo!

Thanks to the talented Ella over at Baby Love, I got something new and pretty on my blog! Like it?  :)))

This might just be the shortest point on record, but just had to share! 

We're heading to our first Mom-to-mom sale tomorrow, hoping to snatch up some 'next steps' items like: baby gates, baby proofing schtuffs, and maybe some books. If you've never heard of mom-to-mom sales, basically (I've heard) they're like giant garage sales of gently used baby items. Hope we score some good stuff because it opens at 8 am and we intend to be there by then! 

Then, off to the Me.tro T oronto Zoo with some good friends and their 9 month old - fun times this weekend!

Baby Steps towards Baby Led Weaning

We first started E on rice cereal. Then it progressed to sweet potato, butternut squash, peas, bananas, apples and pears. It was/is A LOT prep work to puree and pack and freeze all of his solids and although it's hilarious trying to feed him while he has a vice grip with his feet on my hands (prior to us getting him a high chair) - I'm starting to lean more and more towards Baby Led Weaning.  So I started giving him a banana, cut in half, with 3/4 of the peel still on so he could hold it. And guess what? He LOVED it! I've been trying out different things to see how he reacts to it: cucumber, tomato, carrot - and I'm really looking forward to all the new foods he will be able to feed himself. There's a great post by Baby Love's Ella on BLW- check it out!! 

Teething Woes

So for the past 3 nights, Elliott has been waking up screaming in the middle of the night, although super groggy when we go to comfort him. Our daytime routine is also a bit off because of the waking up at night but I really really hope this whole teething thing blows over soon. I forgot how it felt to be zombie like in the wee hours. I don't like it one bit but I do feel so bad for the little guy. My pediatrician told me to hold off on and pain meds if we could, so that he can 'get used' to teething instead of numb and dull it. I'll see how long we can do that for, so far, just cold washcloths for him to bite on and cold teething rings. 
What non-medicinal ways did you use to help your babe through this?

Oh, you're so lucky

I'll explain the title in just a sec ;)

Firstly, I must apologize! I have been so bad at blogging and commenting - wow a whole month! Spring has definitely "sprung" here, with lots and lots and lots of rain! Today is finally a sunny day and I can see my gorgeous tulips standing tall and colourful. I still remember my younger sister on her hands and knees planting them for me last fall while I was way too preggo to bend down, but I really, really, really wanted pretty tulips :). So I just pointed and bossed her around LOL. My sister rocks! :) 

Elliott has been doing great - he is 7 months! He's babbling (sorta more like uh uh uh, mummmmhmm), screaming in excitement and can sit up for about 20 minutes before getting a bit tipsy - I find that if I give hims this ball toy that lights up he will be able to sit much longer as he's trying to figure out how to play with it and make it play a tune.  

Life has been great with my ever changing baby. Every day there is something new or funny that I can't wait to share with my hubby when he gets home from work and we have a good laugh about it after.  I can already tell that Elliott has a big personality. Very head strong and passionate (I'd like to think a combo of both of us) and a wee bit impatient sometimes (I think that would be from me lol) He loves looking at my face and touching my eyes, nose, cheeks and of course, he loves to pull on mommy's hair haha! 

I've slowly been introducing new foods to him each week. For the record, he HATES butternut squash so I will have to find someway to mix it in with something else because I don't want it all to go to waste.  I love the Baby Cubes that stores the food neatly in its own tray and be stacked in the freezer or fridge.  Oh he also hates peas but I don't blame him.  I tasted it after I saw his expression and subsequent gagging reflex so my hubby asked me if I've tried it first?  So I tasted it and promptly made the same reaction as E.

May 7th, 2011 was our official last day of breastfeeding. I was very sad that it came to an end but I did what I thought was best for the both of us. You see, from the last time I posted about this, I had tried to keep E on the boob longer and more frequently but he would arch his back and refuse to nurse and just cry and cry..it was stressing the both of us out. I hated seeing him so upset and I didn't like how it was making me feel either. So I talked to my hubby, I talked to my mom, and also some mom girlfriends.  With their support, I finally came to the decision that it was time to stop forcing him and just go with 100% bottle. I wouldn't say I'm 'happy' about the decision but it is one that I am comfortable with and that I know now, that it was the right decision and time to do so.  E started to thrive again and we were both happy and back on track.  I know that a lot of you who are new mamas are still bf'ing and I am so, so proud of you. I know how tough and what a sacrifice it can be sometimes and whenever is the right time for you to wean, will be the right time.  I just hope that you all can understand that it really pained me to arrive at this decision as I thought I could go on longer. I hope you don't think I'm a bad mother! :(


Now as for the title of this post, it relates to sleep.  Ah, glorious sleep. Everytime someone IRL asks me, oh how is Elliott sleeping at night? They almost always follow my response by saying "oh, you're so lucky you have a baby that sleeps through the night!" 
I always correct them. 
We worked hard to get to this point, getting him staying asleep for 11-12 hours a night. 
There were nights of rocking, walking, bouncing on a ball.
Then there were long nights of crying, shushing, reassuring, and holding.
Then he started sleeping 6 hours. (2.5 months)
Then 7. (3 months)
Then 9. (3.5 months)
Then 11. (4 months + now)


There are still some nights (few, but still some) that he will suddenly wake up crying, but we've noticed that most of time, he will settle back to sleep. There are times (such as last night) that he couldn't calm himself down so we would have to hold him and pat him, and start the whole going to bed routine again.  So yes, I guess we are lucky. We are lucky that he took so well to sleep training early on and that it has stuck - for now. I can really see a difference between Elliott and other babies in our Mommy/Baby Fitness class that are not sleeping through the night.  They are more fussy, super needy, and can't focus for a long period of time.  I tried to tell them that they really need to start and commit to sleep training but they tell me that they can't stand hearing their baby cry. Even for 5 minutes.  Unfortunately, I think that if they can't do that, then they will still be getting up 5-6 times a night.  :(


On the homefront, relationship with hubby has been great as we continue to learn each day how to handle the situations that come at us with baby.  Taking a trip as a family really helped with that, whether we resisted it or not :) I really am glad that we have fallen into our roles as parents quite comfortably. I'm sure there will be lessons that we both learn along the way and he's been nothing but a great daddy to E.  We've been *ahem* "close" since E was about 2-3 months so I think it really helps to keep the intimacy there.  I haven't gone back on bc pills and I don't plan to so we are just using regular protection. We chatted recently about the timing of "planning" for the next one.  I say 'plan' rather liberally because we know that plans, well, they don't always pan out the way you had imagined.  I am a tad fearful of what will happen as we're trying for the 2nd baby but I know once again, it's in God's hands and we just need to go with whatever comes our way.  Don't worry though, we won't even be trying until end of this year or early next - depending on how things go. I think it will be very different the next time around. Having been through such a roller coaster ride to stay pregnant, I'm sure there is a little bit of toughness there that I have left. 

But I'm liking where I am now.  I am happy and gaining more confidence each day at being a mom and the only aches and pains I have are from working out hard the day before.  I hope all of you are well and happy.  I continue to think about and pray for all of you, especially those that are going through some bumps in the road. 

One more pic to leave you with from Mother's Day:

I keep meaning to post

But everytime I start, something comes up! 
I have a post in draft that I still have to finish but for now, here are some pics...my little guy turns 7 months tomorrow! ahhhhhh! 


Also, catching up on a lot of blogs - I apologize for the lack of comments but I will catch up! All of your sweet babies are growing up so fast as well - can you believe it?

Our First Family Vacation

We got back from Orlando this past Sunday and I'm already having major vacation withdrawal! 

The weather was beautiful, just gorgeous! Sunny and blue skies all week long and super warm.  Elliott was a great little traveller - I was a bit worried about our flight going there as it was SUPER early (6:30 am departure!) but he did fabulously.  I was most nervous when we were standing in a never-ending winding line at customs (just before you get to the part where you take off your shoes and go through the detector) - he woke up from sleeping just as we were about 10 people away from talking to the U.S Customs official and there is no where you can go.  Luckily for us, we just took off the blanket that was on his stroller so he could see us and he made it through just fine. 

Once we were on the plane, we bf'd because if he didn't have something to eat he would totally freak out. He was fine but I felt a tad awkward as those seats are tight as it is with one person, nevermind baby trying to suck at your nipple. Sorry for the straightforwardness but that's what it is. LOL. 

We also gave him .5 ml of aD.vil so that if there was any pain in his ears, it could help a little.Then, just as we were heading down the runway and we heard the engines rev up, we gave him a bottle so his ears wouldn't pop but after a few sucks - he fells asleep! We kept blowing on his face and shaking him so he would suck (which he did, to appease us I think hehe) and once we were at the max altitude, we just let him sleep.  Slept for almost an hour (it was only a 2 1/2 hr flight) and then woke up, ate a bit and played the rest of the time.  It was bliss.  Coming back home was a WHOLE other story.  He had missed his nap and would not fall asleep, and even worse, would NOT take a paci or bottle as we were descending. Instead, we had a wailing, screaming, squirming baby for a good 10 minutes.  I even whipped out my boob at one point (no cover) just to see if it would help calm him down. Nope.  Finally, I gave him to my hubby and he was able to pat him and calm him down - and then he just zonked out right on his shoulder.   I didn't even want to look at anybody because I could just imagine what they were thinking! I think one of the worst things (as a single person) was sitting next to a screaming baby with no where to go!  Oh well - we made it through and all is good :) 

The rest of the trip was great with the exceptions of a few meltdowns-vomit-in-car situations but looking back now it just made the trip that much more memorable :) My favorite moment was sitting on a beach chair at Daytona Beach with Elliott sleeping in my arms, watching the waves crash and kids laughing and playing.  We didn't do Disney as we want his first time to be one that he would truly appreciate and enjoy it.  I can't wait to see the look in his eyes when we get to tell him one day that we are taking him to meet Mickey! 

Thanks for your comments and feedback on my last post about drying up.  I have continued to put him at the breast as much as I can but alas, my supply is just not keeping up with his demand.  I am going to do it for as long as I can, but now that we're doing solids as well, I'm thinking our bf'ing time might end soon rather than later.  :( 

Oh! and Elliott turned 6 months - holy cow - 6 MONTHS! I think back to this time last year and I remember praying every month - please God, let us make it another month, and another, etc.  Now that I see how interactive he is, how curious he is about the world around him - the babbling and the laughing - I am so thankful that he is growing up so well and each month of his life outside of my tummy is a constant reminder of what a blessing he is! 

Here are a few pics from our trip! 

 

Open wide!

Elliott has his first taste of solids this past Sunday. Just plain ol' rice cereal.  He LOVED it! We couldn't keep up fast enough with the spoon he was practically lunging at it and using his hand on our wrist to bring it to him faster. Oh man this kid is so funny.

We got the whole thing on video and it cracks me up every time I watch it.  I had put a baby food processor on my baby registry so I can't wait to start making some food for him down the road - hopefully he likes all kinds of food just as much as his mommy! :)