Waiting

Hi friends,
So, I'm still pregnant. 

It feels surreal to say it, but I'm 10w1d now and already starting to show. It's starting to get really real. 

We saw Cell* via the dating ultrasound 2 weeks ago requested by the high risk OB (still haven't gotten an appt yet, they need 'proof' before they accept the referral) and I was fully prepared to hear the ultrasound tech say 'well, there isn't anything in there, just your imagination and a bunch of lemon pee sticks that tricked you".  

I even asked after the first few clickety clicks "so..is there something there?"  The tech laughed and said 'OH YES. there definitely is, I just haven't gotten to the baby yet I'm still taking measurements of your uterus'.  

Heart thump. (mine) 

DH was standing behind the tech secretly recording the whole thing (he got into trouble for taking a pic so decide to take a video on his phone instead, tsk.) and about 5 minutes later when the tech moved onto the baby - he says "oh wow, there's the heart beating!" 

Double heart thump.  (mine) 

By LMP compared to the actual measurements, I was ahead by 1 day but it was accurate based on my oh-so-factual online calculator I had done before going into the appt.  Exactly 8w6d. Heart BPM 164.  

I haven't had any other bloodwork done since back in August when we were confirming the pregnancy, but all the symptoms are there.  Chest has filled out once again, super overload of discharge (we're beyond TMI here ladies), extremely sore breasts in the morning and when I poke them during the day. Smells get to me. Certain food textures get to me. Feeling ligament stretchiness down there. Oh and the unmistakeable once a gut but now can't suck it in bump.  

Yet still, I am not letting myself go there. I'm not letting myself be overly excited or happy.  There are so many questions that only God knows what He has planned for our family.  I saw another surgeon on Thursday, apparently he was about to do a thyroidectom.y on a pregnant woman in her 2nd tri, also with Graves but she was unable to control her thyroid levels even with high doses of medication.  He checked me out and said I may not need to have surgery, lots of women with Graves go on to have healthy pregnancy and babies. 

Really? 

Glimmer of hope there.

So that's my update for now healthwise, I'm tired as ever and I just want to nap all day but alas, I still need to earn a paycheck.  Hoping to get Elliott started on potty training soon (I'm so nervous) and save some $$ on diapers.  He's been having a lot more outbursts/tantrums lately and although he does eventually come out of them, it's so hard to keep your cool when you have a little child screaming and crying and not being consoled no matter what trick in the bag you can pull.  It gets exhausting but I'm praying that this too shall pass and it's part of the terrible two's phase everyone talks about. 

The other 90 percent of the time he is still one happy energetic, curious and playful almost 2 year old (1 more month!). I hold and hug E so tight every day and count my blessings each time I see him learn something new or add another new word to his vocabulary.  He is the brightest little boy I know and every one that meets him gushes about him to me.  I really am the proudest mom ever.



*I know that it is no longer a ball of cells but DH and I referred to the back then ball of cells so we wouldn't get too attached, knowing all the circumstances.  Kinda of stuck. Not the most endearing of names but it works as a sort of emotional barrier for now.