Wednesday, May 26, 2010

16 weeks

Wow. That's like. 4 months.

Each week is a celebration - so really happy to be here, and always thankful.

Yesterday was our midwife orientation meeting. It went well, we knew what we were in for and had some of our questions answered off the bat. I'm thankful that in case of emergency, we would be also attended to by an OB so really, I feel like we're getting the best of both worlds. Emotional support and guidance from the midwife team, and if needed in the nth hour, an OB to ensure Sprout comes into the world safely.  

Nothing much too new this week except the fact that on Sunday, I could barely walk.  You see, I had enlisted the help of my dear sister to come over and help me fix up the front garden area - and get it all spruced up and planted for the summer. I thought I was doing 'light' work: pulling up weeds, trimming the hedges, planting a few flowers --- but lo and behold, 4 hours later, I was exhausted.  

We washed up and ate pizza while watching the LOST season finale (!) and I get up to go to the washroom and BAM! sciatic nerve gone mad. I spent the rest of the night watching the finale on the living room floor, as it was the only way I felt comfortable that didn't make me want to scream in pain. I needed DH and my sis to help me get up and down the stairs as everytime I placed weight on my left - a shooting pain up my butt to my back would act up. Let me tell ya - it was NOT a fun time.  

I now know my limits and now understand this pestering side effect of pregnancy - I didn't think I would experience it so soon but likely it's also because I have not done a lot of regular exercise (who are we kidding here, I don't have a routine anymore) so my back muscles are not as strong as they used to be.  Big wake up call - I never want to experience that pain again but it comes and goes so any ideas/stretches that you suggest - I'm open to!

Friday, May 21, 2010

15 weeks and a hubby's perspective

Happy Friday bloggies! 

Today is the start of a long weekend here and I'm so excited to shut down my laptop and not look at work until Tuesday! 

Some random reflections/things that happened this week:

  • it's so true what they say about baby brain! I've been forgetful and a tad all over the place! So not me! i.e. I even forgot about an OB appt that I had booked 4 weeks ago! (you know when they book you in for 4 weeks out) 
  • I had a tad bit of a freak out yesterday when I noticed some brown spotting on my liners - I am going to attribute it to the 'activities' that DH and I had engaged in Tuesday evening  - it hasn't come back today so I'm hoping it's just because my cervix was irritated? Has this happened to anyone else? 
  • I think I've changed my mind about finding out the sex of Sprout - originally, I was for it - and DH was for waiting - now I'm for waiting, and DH has flipped over to the finding out side! We have had several discussions about it and for now it seems we are back on the same page, of waiting it out - but I'm sure we'll chat about it again in the weeks to come :) What did you ladies do? 
  •  AHHH I should have put this as #1 bullet point but I FINALLY HEARD SPROUT'S HEARTBEAT!! So I was supposed to have an OB appt on Tuesday (which I completely forgot) and I was rescheduled to see her Wednesday - well, she checked me over and then whipped out the doppler! It was THE most beautiful sound I think I've ever heard! a whoosh whooos whoosh sounded like a choo choo train!  Beating nice and strong at 156 bpm :)) 
  •  The initial NT results are good (Praise God) - the measurement of the fold was 2.4mm and I believe anything below 3.0mm is considered average/normal. My blood work still has to come back but I also go for IPS #2 blood next Tuesday 
  •  Our midwife orientation appointment is fast approaching! Hubby and I are excited to meet them on Tuesday and get the lo-down on everything and make our decision to go in their care as soon as possible 
  •  We're starting to get official congrats from ppl who are finding out via the grapevine - it feels a bit weird still but I am starting to enjoy it more and more each time someone offers their well wishes
  • I was a complete mess last night after watching the Grey's finale - *spoiler alert* - not only was the episode so emotionally charged, but then they had to throw in Meredith's miscarriage at the end :( It's not often you see that on primetime television so it really caught me off guard 
  • My hubby opened up to me last night about how he thought about this whole having-a-baby thing ;)  You see, we have good friends that are also expecting (only 2 weeks behind us) - but the husband has been a bit lukewarm to the idea as he wanted to wait a bit longer to have kids. DH told me about their email 'conversation' and it gave me a glimpse as to what he was thinking too.  Our friend asked my hubby how he was dealing with all of this - and DH said to him "because of what we've been through to get here, and all the stuff that is happening with his mom, there is nothing more important than family."  He went on to say, "I was thinking that when it's time for me to leave this earth, I want to have something to show for it.  Something to show for the love that I've shared with my wife." Then our friend asked him when he started to feel a connection (as he's still trying to connect) and my DH responded "when we were at our 12.5 week u/s - and he saw Sprout 'fight back' when the technican started roughing up my belly - he was like - that is my son/daughter and s/he is a fiesty one like me, THAT's when I connected". 
So you see, dear bloggies - the significance of this little story - I had no idea up until last night the moment that my husband felt this connection - I realize that it's so much sooner for us ladies because of all the physical and emotional changes we experience, so I am so grateful to hear that my hubby feels the way he does now and shared it with me. Heart melting. 

I hope that my friends' husband starts realizing the miracle that is growing inside his wife right now and be thankful that they did not have to go through any heartache to get there.  

Monday, May 17, 2010

Flutters? Gas? Who knows!

Hi everyone! Hope your weekend was lovely - ours was jam packed full of wedding celebrations - our first Indian wedding and I even got to wear a sari that my friend (the bride) lent me!

Ok so enuff of that. Down to the real reason for this post.

So I'm sitting here on my couch and all of a sudden I'm feeling this strange sensation like north-east of my belly button. Here's how I would describe it:

Bubbles popping
thumpity thump in succession

Is this Sprout? Or is this too much Indian food this weekend?  I've never felt it before but is this too early to feel?

What did your first flutters feel like? :)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

14 weeks

Depending on the source, some say you're in the 2T at the 14 week mark, others say 13. But regardless of when, I've been feeling grateful every day to reach this milestone, whether it was technically last week or this.  This week, Sprout is apparently the size of a clenched fist or a peach (insert sense of awe here).

I also didn't get a chance to wish everyone a very happy Mother's day! It's strange going through this Mother's Day knowing there is a little being growing inside of me, and I can't even imagine how next year's Mother's Day will be like after experiencing the joys of becoming a mom myself.  I know it's a hard time for a lot of you lovely ladies out there that are remembering your lost angels and those that are still waiting for good betas, but it will not be long before it will happen for you and I pray that is will be sooner than later.

I am feeling pretty good despite an irritating sinus flare up that started yesterday. I normally have consistent, annoying, allergies year round - so I'm thinking pregnancy has somehow aggravated it even more.  I don't think it's a cold but beyond sneezing and a constant runny, sometimes blocked nose, also a dull headache today. Oh joy.  

Thanks to Laura for posting this on my last entry: 

"..I wanted to share some reassuring words of encouragement that one of my best friends shared with me. She shared that she remembered getting to her second semester and thinking "I feel totally normal! Are you sure I'm still pregnant?!?". This is a woman who had never experienced loss (and this was even before she witnessed my losses), and even she wondered why she wasn't "experiencing" anything. So if you feel "normal"...don't freak out. Rather, try to enjoy the experience of being "okay", and trust that things are happening that you can't see (or feel) quite yet."

Because I have been feeling completely NORMAL and if I didn't know any better, I would have started freaking out and thinking that this is too good to be true.  I am learning to embrace that my body and my baby is still doing what they're supposed to do, and I will just go with that until we get to see Sprout again.   I am most looking forward to hearing the heartbeat for the first time - in our other ultrasounds, the techs always hesitated b/c they mentioned they would have to use a higher frequency tool, etc, so they've all told me to wait until the 18 week/anatomy u/s for that.  

In other news, the general public at work and etc now knows my 'secret'. I have been more and more comfortable talking about it - and I enjoy seeing people's reaction - but then afterwards, it always feels like a big question mark is still hanging over my head, and I wonder if they can see some apprehension in me. Everytime I say, yes I'm pregnant,  I almost always say - so far, so good.  It's like I'm trying to set everyone's expectations or something. 

So a bizarre thing happened to me yesterday.  I ran into an acquaintance (a friend of a friend) - and noticed she had an obvious baby bump (her#2).  We made some small talk and somehow I blurted out 'me too!', startling even me. She wished me congrats, and asked me how far along I was. Here's how the conversation went from there: 

Me:  Oh I'm 14 weeks
Her: Oh, that's still really early 
Me: I guess, but I'm in the second trimester and very happy to be 
Her: You know, a good friend of mine just lost her baby at 12-13 weeks 
Me: Oh, that's terrible - pause. (plus a shocked look on my face - did she just really say that to me?) 
Her: So, is this your first? 
Me: My first child yes, but not pregnancy (again, I was startled at my verbal diarrhea - why was I offering this info to this woman?) 
Her: Oh - you couldn't get pregnant? 
Me: No - it was holding onto the pregnancies 
Her: Oh, I see - that must've been tough
Me: Yes, it was. Well have to run to a meeting- congrats again
Her: Yes you too, I hope everything goes well and wish you all the best. 

Ok so seriously - I would think that a pregnant woman (who btw, I happen to know through my friend that she had a bleeding scare with her current pregnancy) of all people would understand the sensitivity of certain topics? I mean, I've heard and seen everything - but I really didn't expect my pregnancy news to be followed by 'oh did you know' comment.  It really stayed with me the whole day and haunted my thoughts of 'what if's all over again.  I told hubby later that night b/c I think he noticed something was on my mind and he just told me that some people, even before they were pregnant, just have no filter and just say what they want without thinking.  I know this lady didn't have it in her to hurt me or scare me - but I really don't think I'm overly sensitive to what she 'shared'.   

Teaches me to talk to strangers, eh?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

13 weeks

We made it. 

I'm still not quite believing all of this is actually happening this time. 

But I'm so thankful that it is.

Please continue to pray that Sprout keeps growing. We won't be seeing him/her again until 18 weeks and that seems a world away right now. 

Taking each day as a blessing...

** On a side note - can you ladies share about sleeping positions?  I read last night that sleeping on my back is not so good because of the blood flow/uterus pressure/ but sleeping on my left has not been comfy so either - is my baby doomed if I end up on my back in the morning? I have been getting restless sleep because I feel like I'm doing something wrong. :(

Sunday, May 2, 2010

I think I'm in love

Ok, scratch that. I AM in love.

We had our NT screening u/s and bloodwork done yesterday, at 12w3d. I woke up feeling very calm actually, not nervous at all. All the way there, and sitting in the waiting room, I wasn't thinking worst case scenario, but I wasn't decorating the nursery in my head either. I was just, calm. 

My mom and hubby were asked to wait just outside as the technician said that she would do all the measurements first and then call them inside to look.  She told me that she couldn't 'work' with people peering over her shoulder, which I completely understand. It actually worked out that I was alone I think, because when she swiveled that monitor around for me to look, my heart fluttered jumped as I lay eyes on our beautiful baby and it was just me, and Sprout (and the technician) - but it was like we shared this priceless moment that only can be between a mother and her baby.  S/he has gotten so big! and golly gee, s/he really looks like a baby now! I was breathless and in awe as I saw Sprout flip and jump around as if it were doing some funky dance in my ute. 

My hubby and mom were called in shortly after and they were completely thrilled to see Sprout, and to see head, body, limbs and all. Sprout was measuring a day ahead at 12w4d (keener!) so that was great to hear.  It was quite a feat to get Sprout to move into the right position so the technician could get the right measurements - get this, she had me do SIT UPs on the table! That and she was jiggling my belly around like she was hoping for the genie to come out or something! 

Must've worked b/c Sprout cooperated and she got the shot she needed.  I walked out of there on cloud 9 - I just couldn't believe that I was actually getting to experience what I've dreamed of, what I've longed for all this time. 
It's a miracle and a blessing and I know how lucky I am.  

Later that evening, hubby and I watched The Tim.e's Wife - I hadn't gotten around to finishing the book so I really didn't know the whole story. (((spoiler alert))) When they showed Claire going through the miscarriages, my heart just sank as I recalled the shock and sadness of what we went through last year. Then Henry came back from the future to tell her that they end up having a girl, and that she's beautiful and smart; putting his wife's mind at ease that the baby she was carrying would live and thrive.  As I watched, I thought to myself, why couldn't it be like that in real life? Where you fast forward in time and see a healthy child grow up to be smart and strong and healthy? So that this pregnancy can be fully celebrated and enjoyed as it should be? 

I know my life has already been written by God - so I am hoping the next chapter includes a healthy bouncy baby in my arms in November. For now, I am celebrating this milestone that almost brings me to the end of the 1st trimester.

Bloggies, I'd like to introduce you to my dear Sprout at 12w4d: Isn't s/he a cutie? :)