Monday, April 26, 2010

Rounding out 11 weeks

Thanks ladies for your views on my last post.  I've decided to go ahead with the screening and I have my u/s scheduled for this coming Saturday (when I'll be 12w3d!!). I've asked my mom to come along too so that should be fun! When she was pregnant with me, her and my dad had just immigrated to Canada so she didn't have anyone to go through this with - so hoping I can share as much as I can with her!  But yes, after talking about it with DH, doing the screening will give us another piece of information that empowers us in this pregnancy.  Although there are chances for false positives, etc. I was reminded (thanks Laura) that we did do the genetic testing back in December and everything came back normal so there isn't anything I should worry about.

So....I made a big step today. I got a widget. right. over .there. ----> 

Seeing that floating baby on other blogs always made me wonder when I would ever be able to do that. Not only to be pregnant again but to actually have the confidence to 'declare' it so boldly.  I am sorry if it upsets anyway to see yet another floating baby widget but it symbolizes something more to me and I hope you will understand.

It shows me that I have come a long way since last year. It shows me that by 'calling it out' will not jinx this pregnancy. It also shows me that I can, little by little, start celebrating this little life growing inside of me.  

I'm still apprehensive in getting too caught up in 'future planning' (I still haven't picked up a book yet) but I promised myself that once I pass 12 weeks I will allow myself that room to grow. I need to grow mentally and emotionally (trust me I'm taking care of the physical growing part). 

oh and in other news! We told our close group of friends on the weekend - there was screaming and hugging and a lot of high fives (for the men) so it was a great time all around. I actually even ended up talking to a lot of ppl in private about our journey, I felt that if I was asked how long we were trying and how everything was going, I should be upfront about it. The worse thing would be for me to pretend this was pregnancy #1 and that things have been hunky dorey. I hope that by talking about last year and what we went through can help ppl who may or may not be going through the same thing. The thing is you just never know so as far as being an open book about this, I'm finding myself a lot more comfortable in sharing than I was before. 

I probably won't be doing a pregnancy questionnaire anytime soon, but my "bloated' belly is now more of a noticeable round protrusion. I call my tummy a food baby sometimes b/c after I eat, it just sticks out even more. Once and awhile I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and just smile at this unsightly bulge. I can't wait to see Sprout again this Saturday! 

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

To screen or not to screen

Okay bloggies, I need some thoughts on this one. 

I went in for an impromptu visit with my OB today (I say impromptu b/c I was called at 9am this morning as they had a cancellation for this afternoon) - the first time I had seen her since last October. 

We reviewed all of the 'next steps' - and the more immediate decision coming up was whether or not to do the IPS screening (NT /prenatal screen).  One part of me just wants to do it not because I want to find out the odds - I just want to see Sprout again on the ultrasound to see that s/he is growing on schedule. 

IF we decide not to do the screening, I will have to wait until I'm 18 weeks for the big ultrasound to see him/her! Here I am, trying to stay faithful - but the thought of waiting another 6 -7 weeks is freaking me out! 

I haven't thought about what we would do with a positive screen result, ie. if I would an amnio or not, but after discussing it with hubby just now, he felt that if it would make me feel better, than to go ahead and book the u/s for next week's screening. 

But is this God asking me to have faith? If I do not want to know the results - by doing the ultrasound anyway - is it me showing lack of faith? 

bit of a dilemma trying to sort out my thoughts - help!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Catching up and reflections on Week 10

I've missed you bloggy friends! 

It's been so busy the last few weeks with travelling and work and just life in general and I'm trying to catch up on your blog posts so please bear with me!  

Also - sorry if this post will also be a bit scattered and random as there is so much to catch up on :)

So here we are at the tail end of week 10 and I'm still feeling great. I think the morning sickness fairy decided to spare me after all?   Other than that, I've been tired a lot but that hasn't stopped me from enjoying the beautiful weather we've been having here. I just love spring! My tulips are *almost* ready to show their beautiful colours and the cherry blossom tree in our backyard is in all it's blooming glory. 

 Trip to Montreal for my bday and Ottawa for work went great.  Blue skies and sunshine the whole time we were on the road - and even with all the bio break stops we managed to make good time - it's about a 5 hour drive away from where we live.  We loved Old Montreal and my hubby scored on the 'best' smoked meat sandwich while I devoured the best poutine in the city. Thinking about it right now has me drooling over my keyboard.

Here are some pics of our adventures:

Ottawa was nice too, and although I was there mainly for my work event, we still managed to sneak in a massage and a nice birthday dinner for me (Indian food yum!).  So I had a prenatal massage, and, if you've ever had one, you'll know what I mean by when you saw the 'special' table with the cut-outs, my one eyebrow immediately went up like - you want me to lie down on that?! 
Basically there are cut outs in the table for your boobs and your belly - since I don't have much of one yet, it was fine, but my boobs still felt a bit squished because the table is not exactly one size fits all. All in all, the massage went great - I did ask for the masseuse to avoid my feet because a) I'm squeamish and b) someone once told me not to get a hard core foot massage during pregnancy - don't really remember why but it stuck with me! 

So we got back home Wednesday last week and I had my next scheduled appt with the specialist on Thursday.  DH couldn't come with me because of all the time off already that week, but I was fine with going on my own since it wasn't an ultrasound appt.  The doctor was pleased with my progress and was ready to release me back to my regular OB - and told me to get my 12 week pre-screening book asap! I can't even believe 12 weeks is next week - still can't let myself think too far ahead but it is just unfathomable (sp?) to me that I'm here right now.  As for the refill of my low dose thyroid med - my family doctor came through in the end and I didn't have to miss a day - I picked up the refill when we got back and now I'm set for another few months. Oh and in other exciting news, I am now officially off of the prog supps!  At first I was scared to stop by after hearing Dr. L say that I'm more than good enough to get off of them now - I felt that I was in good hands and that my body will take over for the remainder of this pregnancy. This is me trying to stay faithful! :)

I am so thankful for this pregnancy and the renewed sense of hope and life it's brought into our lives.  Hubby and I look at each other with a knowing smile these days and I know that we're both hoping and praying that this baby will end up in our arms in November. Long way to go but I hope the end of the 1st trimester comes and go swiftly.  It's been so great seeing DH begin his bond with Sprout - a few days after we saw baby on ultrasound for the first time, he sweetly whispered 'goodnite Sprout' as we drifted off to sleep. Made my heart smile, I tell ya!

I've told my bff,  a few of my co workers and a small group of our friends (including a couple that has been ttc), but the majority of our close friends still don't know.  We have a big gathering this coming weekend for all the April birthdays (hubby's included) and we don't often get together anymore and I'm debating whether or not we should say something or just wait it out until the upcoming weddings in May.  A part of me wants to tell them but another part is still holding me back - as if some 1st trimester jinx will get me if I let the general public know.  I guess I'll see how I feel near the end of this week - I don't know if I still fit into that t-shirt we had made though! ;0) 

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

9 weeks and random thoughts

Tomorrow will be official 9 weeks. That would make it the furthest I have ever been in any of my pregnancies and it scares the crap out of me. 

As much as I'm trusting that God knows what He's doing and this is all a part of the grand plan, I'm still afraid that I will wake up one morning and this, all of this, will have disappeared in an instant. Perhaps I'm not as trusting as I thought I was. I guess I know what I will be praying for tonight - faithfulness. 

Some random thoughts as we get into week 9: 

I'm almost out of my low dose thyroid medication and I have to go back to my Family Physician to get a blood draw so she has the final say on whether or not to continue on these pills.  I am terrified of stopping them although I'm no doctor, I'm feeling anxious that if I stop what I'm doing, that something will happen to the baby. Just to refresh, I'm currently taking the thyroid med, baby aspirin, and 400 mg progesterone suppositories daily. I'm afraid that my health and this baby's health is in the hands of someone who hasn't been with me through my journey in the last 9 months.

The RE's office called today with my ultrasound results from March 31st. A bit delayed but they confirmed that everything looked great and the baby's hb was actually 158 bpm, not 155 (what DH read on the monitor to me) - whatever, I'll take it.  They still have yet to schedule me my last appt - but they did remind me to make my appt with my OB soon.  

Work wise I am in the middle of the busiest time ever. I have so much to do coming up it's either a) going to help me speed past the 1st trimester or b) be the beginning of a slow burn out. I really hope it's not b) and I have to keep reminding myself that it is just work and that I have a team of ppl that I work with, not just me. I have an event in Ottawa next week but instead of taking the 1 hr flight there, I'll be driving 4 -5 hours. Well, DH will be driving. We decided to make it a mini-getaway for my upcoming birthday, which is the day before my big work event. So we're going to head to Montreal on Sunday and spend the day and evening there, and then head back to Ottawa so I can get to my event for the following day.  My doctor never said anything about not flying, but my Mom and another friend (the one who also had a m/c but is now happily preggers at 19 weeks) mentioned in passing that they didn't think it would be a good idea to fly and although I argued it at first - I just couldn't bear living with the thought that if something happened, it would be because I insisted on flying.  Plus now I get to spend some more q-time with DH so it worked out.  I did have to let the cat out of the bag though with my manager seeing as her and I were supposed to fly together.  She was very supportive and totally cool with keeping it a secret until I was ready to 'come out' to the world.

Lastly, I think people at work are starting to look at me funny. I think they think that I've gained a lot of weight recently but don't want to say anything. I have a rather small frame (and I'm only 5 feet) so how ever little weight I put on is visible right away.  I'm starting to get a noticeable bulge around my mid section (and no, I don't think it's baby) and I can no longer 'suck it in'.   I also can't fit into many of my tops nicely anymore because of my ginormous boobs.  This makes for very uncomfortable and ill-fitting clothes on my otherwise-always-fashionable self (at least, that's what ppl tell me). I can't wait until I have an actual baby bump so at least ppl will know it's not that I'm not taking care of myself.  I swear! 

Don't get me wrong, I am not spending my days in fear but this post reveals what is lurking in the back of my mind, every day. And as grateful as I am to have a 'normal' progressing pregnancy so far, I know how lucky I am but it makes believing this will all turn out with a baby in my arms in November that just more fragile and vulnerable.