The post I've been meaning to write - and some pics!

Happy New Year ladies!! 

I have been so bad at posting - I mean - I have a 2 month old baby already for crying out loud! Where did the time go?  Literally, in a blink of an eye, we have gone from teeny tiny helpless babe, to a less tiny, smiley, cooing babe. Elliott is 10 weeks now and it's still surreal to me sometimes when he's looking at me that he was growing inside of me from that tiny speck to this little person. He has been such a great baby (despite the fussy times), and I am so so thankful that he's now a part of our family.

So I have a lot to update on, as you can imagine - I want to be able to remember this journey because already, I'm starting to forget just how tough the first 2-3 weeks were. So grab a cup o'java and sit tight, here we go! 

The early weeks:

So you know how when you were still pregnant, people tell you "get your sleep now" and "your life will never be the same" - I really know now what that means. The first week of Elliott's life turned mine upside down and inside out. In a good way but also one that I don't think I was fully prepared for.  I think it might also have something to do with the fact that he came 2 weeks early and I was still working the day before he was born - so I really had no down-time to myself before the world as I knew it would never be the same. The first 2-3 weeks were both Exhilarating and Exhausting. My hubby and I were so excited to finally hold and cuddle our little man - but once Day 2 came around, it was like this precious, sleepy bundle of joy turned into a crying and feeding machine (and gradually pooping machine lol). My hubby luckily was able to be home the first two weeks with me while we both adjusted to Elliott - he even stayed up with me during those wee morning hours while I was trying to get the whole breastfeeding routine down pat. He would sit beside me in bed, reading this blog and/or just chatting with me to keep me awake.  Did I already say before how much I love this man?  We were both exhausted and sleep deprived those first two weeks and we gradually fell into a rhythm that felt most comfortable to us.

Feeding/Breastfeeding: 

I was fortunate to have my milk come in on Day 3. The pain of engorgement in those early days were NOT fun but I found quick relief with frozen cabbage leaves and expressing some milk out with a pump.  Elliott was born with a short frenulum (the lil' stringy thing that attaches your tongue) and it was also near the tip of his tongue, which made it even more difficult for the poor lil' guy to get a good latch.  We struggled with latching for the first week, week and a half - and I thought I was going to lose it and give up on bf'ing altogether because each feeding would be him screaming and crying "I'm starving" and me crying "I'm trying".  We even thought we had to get that lil' thing snipped (per advice from our midwife, it might help with latching) but Elliott and I stuck it out. He had no problems latching onto the right breast but the left he was never able to get but he and I eventually figured it out and he was feeding from both sides probably near the end of week 3.  Those times that he couldn't get to the left side I would pump out the milk and store it. Don't get me wrong, things were not all so rosy and great, my nipples felt so raw and sore I didn't even want water to touch them in the shower. We would BF for 30-45 mins, sometimes taking an hour to complete a full feed and I would be exhausted because it didn't seem like an hour had gone by where it would all start over again. I would cry all the time and just feel like I couldn't give any more (tho through pumping, my milk supply was quite steady and bountiful) But my hubby and I had difficult decision to make: whether or not to supplement so it would take some of the feeding responsibility off of me.  He suggested that we introduce the bottle, with the breast milk and also formula.  I know, the big F word I cringed at. I wanted to say yes right away but a big part of me felt like a big fat failure.  Why is it that I couldn't get the energy to do this? All other mothers can BF and their babies are satisfied after a feeding but why was my baby ravishing for more after a very long feed?  He was afterall, sucking and gulping everything down so I knew he wasn't just nibbling or snack feeding. 


I stuck it out for another few agonizing days during week 3 and then I decided that what was best for baby was also a mom who wasn't a walking zombie and that I decided to supplement with the bottle - both formula and expressed breast milk.  We had consulted with his pediatrician before going this route and because he was gaining weight wonderfully (he never lost any weight since he was born!) she told us that introducing the bottle would not cause any nipple confusion I was worried about.  So we went ahead. My hubby got to help with the feeds and things drastically improved on my end. I was still bf'ing at least 6 feeds so I didn't give it up completely and nowadays he will get 1-2 formula feeds a day and the rest would be from me.  I can say now, looking back, that was the best decision I made for us and I don't regret it although I do have random feelings of guilt every now and then because I had wanted to BF exclusively and put a lot of pressure on myself to do so. 

We are so lucky that Elliott took both the bottle and breast and went back and forth without a problem.  I was afraid he would prefer the bottle than boob but he hasn't seemed to notice and eats like a champ both ways. Whenever we are home, I will breastfeed - and the latter evening feeds will be bottle with daddy - which works out because I find that my milk supply in the evening is not as great as the morning/day feeds.


Whew, now that that piece is off my chest (no pun intended) - let's move on to sleeping.

Sleeping:
At around 6 weeks, Elliott started sleeping through the night! And what I mean by that would be that we would put him down around 11:30 and he wouldn't wake me up for a feed until about 4:30/5 am.  That was a big accomplishment seeing that I never got more than 3 hours sleep in a row. 
Then at around 8-9 weeks, he went down around 11 pm and didn't wake until 5-6 am, and last week, until 7 am! Sleep had never felt more glorious.  I attribute our routine that was loosely based on the BabyWise principles (more on this later) and it was TOUGH but now it is so worth it. He is definitely more alert and awake during the day time and seems to go down for the night without a fuss and we count our blessings every day that he has fallen into this routine and has allowed us to be well rested during the night. 


Circumcision:


I think it was worse for me than him.  I was just a wreck and I couldn't bear going into the room with him while the doctor performed the circumcision so my hubby went in to represent. This happened week 2 of his life. Poor lil' guy.  He healed withing 10 days but those days after the surgery his lil' wee wee was all swollen and red and purple - I cringed everytime I changed his dressing and diaper. Everything looks great now and I am glad we made the decision to have it done. Seeing your baby 'get hurt' is the worse feeling in the world and I felt so guilty for putting him through it but we felt that in the long run, it would be best for him - to prevent any infection and unnecessary surgery later on in his life.



On being BabyWise:
In the first few weeks I tried to follow this book as much I could.  To stick to the routine of feed, wake, sleep - but I found it so difficult to keep a newborn awake after a feed, I thought I had failed.  But then I realized that it wasn't a hard and fast rule and that eventually, on his own, he would stay awake a bit longer and then sometimes not.  I decided to put the book down and just go with my gut instinct on what was best for my baby.  When he needed to sleep, he would sleep, and when he needed to eat, he would wake up (and it would be every 2-3 hours anyway).  I do think that some of the BabyWise principles were a good guideline, but when I couldn't fit in 8 feedings like the book said and thought I was doing more damage than good, I started to realize that my baby was eating what he needed and if he needed more he would adjust his schedule.  He was also a lot smaller than most babies (born 5 lbs 9 ounces) so he was eating for his size. At his 2 1/2 week appointment he was already almost up to 7.5 lbs so I knew I was doing something right with him.   I do agree with the parental assessment and clock method - because sometimes it would be just a dirty diaper or gas and not really a true feed.  We also relied heavily on the Dunstan baby language to help decipher what Elliott wanted (as seen on Opra.h) and it has been bang on.  We can clearly hear his 'nehs' vs 'eh's so at least it helps us narrow down what he needed from us at the moment.  I still flip back to BabyWise now and then but looking back, I wish I wasn't so hard on myself when it wasn't working out the way that they laid out.  To each their own and every baby is different right!



Oh how he's changed!
Elliott is now getting bigger and stronger every day.  The first time he truly made eye contact with us and smiled filled my heart in a way I never felt before.  When he wakes up in the morning, he has stopped screaming and crying, he will now just coo and call for me and when I go into his room (oh yes - forgot to mention we moved him to his room/crib by week 2) - he greets me with a big grin on his face because he knows that I am going to feed him soon.  It's the best feeling in the world and I really cherish those quiet mornings with him. All in all, he is a dream baby.  Every day, every week we are noticing that he is growing and developing his curiuosity of the world around him. He is starting to really like his activity gym as he's starting to 'talk' to his hanging monkey and giraffe friends. I can't wait to see what the next month brings (he just started to find his hands yesterday).   

For me, I started to take him out around week 5 to visit friends and even to the mall (we observed the Asian tradition of staying indoors for the first month - with the exception of doctor appts) - and can I say that doing those 'regular' things just made me feel human again.  Not to mention a big confidence booster that I can handle getting him ready to go, carseat, stroller, winter clothing, feeding, etc by myself.  My mom has also been a great help. She came over almost every day around week 2/3 to help out - if not burping him, than cleaning the dishes piling up in the sink and just little things around the house.  Nowadays if I have to run some quick errands I can call her up and drop E off without hesitation (she is a 7 min drive away thankfully!).  


So I think that's an update and a half.  I apologize I haven't been blogging lately but now that we've gotten into this routine, I hope to be posting a lot more frequently.  I am still catching up on everyone's blogs so if you see random comments here and there on your old posts - that's me! 


Gotta run for the next feed...ciao! Oh, and here are a few pics of my lil' guy! 

day 1

 end of week 1

 Celebrating his 1 month

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone! It's been awhile but I promise to do a proper post very soon :) Just couldn't let today pass without wishing all my dear bloggy friends a wonderful holiday with your family and loved ones :) and for all of you celebrating your 1st Christmas as a new family - enjoy your little blessing! God bless!

Elliott's birth story

Hi all!

It's been 17 days since Elliott has joined our family and I have never been as happy and exhausted at the same time as I am now.  The first week went by like a blur - sleep deprivation can really mess with one's mind and I lost count of what day it was, and often times decided to take sleep over eating, when there was time for it.  I'm going to split the post up over a few posts as there is so much to catch up on. 

So let's recap Elliott's birth story in this post. 

I remember the night before Elliott was born, I said to DH as we got ready for bed, "this baby is coming sooner rather than later" as I felt a lot of pressure in the pelvic region that evening. Little did I know that it literally was just around the corner. 

I woke up around 3:30 am for a pee (ended up being a poop too - hmm I wonder) - and as I was climbing back into bed I felt an intense cramp in my lower abdomen, very similar to menstrual cramps but much more powerful.  I thought nothing of it really and went back to bed, only to be woken up 10 mins later with the same wave of cramp.  At that point I tapped my hubby on the shoulder and mumbled "Honey, I don't think you'll be going to work tomorrow" - to which he woke up abruptly and said "you mean today? you mean something's happening?!" 


He immediately jumped out of bed to grab his BB to start the timer/stop watch - while I lay in bed and waiting for the next one.  From that point on until about 4:05 am, the cramps/contractions were coming very regularly, and no longer 10 mins apart but progressively closer and closer.  I got out of bed at this point as I could no longer bear the pain lying down so we continued to do our breathing while I swayed my hips from side to side.  


I decided to hop into the shower to see if the hot water would help (and oh boy did it) but every time a contraction hit I would yell out for DH and he would come running and and breathe with me. Once it was over, he would dash around the house trying to get my bags and everything ready - including calling our midwife to let her know what was happening.  After my shower and blow drying my hair (yes, I did this in between contractions - don't ask - I just needed to!) - things really started pick up and here is where our birth plan kinda went downhill.


My primary midwife was unavailable, as she was out of town at a conference so we got my secondary (which is totally fine, I liked her too) on the phone.  When we told her that my contractions went from 5 mins apart to more like 2 mins apart, she said ok - no time for her to come to our house and instead, to meet her at the hospital asap.  We had originally planned to give birth at the hospital just 5 mins away from us - but the midwife called us back and said that the hospital was understaffed and we had to be re-directed to one 15-20 mins away instead (which I know doesn't sound far, but when your contractions are coming on top of one another - any drive that long seemed like an impossible task) 


At this point I started to panic, that things weren't going 'as planned' and that the contractions shouldn't be this close together, this soon.  DH and I stopped and said a prayer for God to be with us and with our baby - and then off we went. 


My hubby never told me how fast he was driving, but thankfully there was no rush hour traffic that early in the morning (it was about 5 am now) going east on the highway so that was a huge blessing for us, looking back at how close I was.  That car ride was one of the most painful car rides I have ever experienced.  Every contraction my hands would be up against the ceiling of the car and my toes curled up as I tried to breathe through it.  We got to the hospital only to find out that the area we ran into was the wrong one - DH practically threw me into a wheelchair and we dashed to the L&D wing - totally like how you would see in movies.  A nurse was walking the opposite way when she saw us and basically ran with us, directing us to the right area as there were many halls and turns to get there.  I can still hear her saying - turn right here! now left here! now through those doors! lol.


My midwife was already there in the room and was setting up - and DH had to go move our illegally parked car and grab the birth binder, and all of our stuff and to register me, so I was with my midwife alone for a short while.   I threw on the hospital gown and she did a cervical check in a matter of minutes.  I'm sure my face went white when she told me that she could feel the baby's head and that I was about 8-9 cms.  I think I may have whimpered out "so this means no drugs?" in between my increasingly painful contractions. 


My midwife tried to comfort me by telling me that I had been doing a great job and that I had already been through the hardest part - and that everything was going to be fine.  In my head I was thinking are you crazy! I still have to get the baby out of me and I hear that's pretty hard too! 


But no time to think, much less dwell on the fact that there would be no pain relief.  She told me that I could go and sit on the toilet as it might make me feel a bit more comfortable so I spent the rest of the dilation sitting there.  I remember my midwife telling me that it was time and to come off the toilet and get up on the bed - and as I did so (I was on all fours climbing up) I felt a warm gush going down my legs as my water broke.  She told me to lie on my back, slightly on my left side and that we were going to start pushing soon.  DH had come back in the room at this point - (he was with me while I was on the toilet) and was now by my side - I think I may or may have not broken a few capillaries in his left hand but he never let go. 


The midwife then put a hot towel compress right in my perineum area and told me to focus on that spot and just push when my body was telling me to. So I did. I focused on this hot/warm area, and I pushed with every ounce of energy.  It felt like I was trying to pass the largest poop I've every had in my life (thankfully, no poop came out during delivery).  I stopped and caught my breath until the next one. I was told that I was doing great and that the next push to keep doing the same.  And so I did.  With that push, Elliott was crowning and oh boy that ring of fire people talk about, it ain't a joke.  Most mothers say they don't remember the pain, well, they lie - because I still remember it, albeit, it's a bit fuzzy now but still.   I caught my breath again but only for a short moment as the next push feeling came so strongly I just bore down and went for it and the next thing you know, the biggest whoosh feeling of relief and out popped Elliott and he was immediately placed on my chest.  Holding that warm, wet and crying baby was just the most surreal and wonderful feeling in this world.  I cried and kissed DH and we both just looked at each other in amazement at this tiny little being in my arms.  The little bean, little sprout that we had so lovingly seen on all those ultrasounds was finally a realized dream.  Funny enough, we were all so enamored with this baby that no one mentioned whether baby was a boy or girl.  I think the nurse asked us, so do you know what it is? DH peeked under the blanket exclaimed excitedly 'it's a boy!' - I loved that moment and I loved hearing it from him.  


I ended up tearing naturally and needed about 4 stitches - but all in all, both Elliott and I were healthy and after about 2 hrs, we were released to go home. I am over the moon that he is finally here in our arms, and life as we know it will never be the same.  


More posts to come on how we've been adjusting and getting acquainted with one another...but for now, some more pics :) 

Meet Elliott, a.k.a Sprout

Hi bloggy buddies!  I don't have too much time but I wanted to let you all know that Sprout decided to arrive fast and furious early yesterday morning - I think I went down in history for first time births as the quickest labour and delivery ever - from end to end, less than 3 hours (1.5 hrs of active labour and 14 minutes of pushing) - yes, you heard me!

I'm doing ok and baby Elliott (Sprout's a boy!!) is doing great - I'm copying and pasting the email that we sent to our friends and family yesterday so you can catch up on how it all went down for the meantime.  More to come from my side (you know I want to record every detail)once I get a chance to!  We can't believe he's here and he's ours!  Praise God!! 


Hello everyone,

Our baby decided to join us a bit sooner than expected.   He was born on Oct 26, 2010 @ 6:29am.  After 1.5hrs of active labour.. .and only 15mins of actual pushing...
Can I say my wife is a super star!!!  SuperStar!!!  =)

Wen started feeling some contractions around 3:30am... but thought it was too soon... and dismissed it and went back to sleep... until about 20mins later she said to me... Joe I don't think your going to work today... and which point the contractions started picking up dramatically!

We waited at home till about 4:30... and called our midwife to let her know that the contractions were occurring 1min long.. btw 2min breaks... crazy!!!!  I was like... okay... Joe, game on!!! 

Our midwife called our original hospital, but it was under staffed.. and so we were routed to Ajax... oh crap!!! With the nightmare of stories in that hospital... I thought for sure.. it wasn't going to be pleasant... but off we went...

I took us less than 10mins... while I was driving 140+  but under 220.  =) 

We got there safely... fortunately, it was a quite evening...in the hospital...

By the time we got there, Wen was already 8cm dilated...  She was at the point of no return... aka no drugs.. =(

This is were it was Wen's turn to say... oh crap!!!   But the mid wife meet us there... and said that Wen had gotten through the hardest part...

After leaving Wen with the midwife... I dashed back to the illegally parked car... and got the night bag carry on, pillow, binder, backpack, fruitbag, purse and my wits... I was pretty much a pack mule... and dashed back to register.. .and to catch up with Wen... this probably had taken 15mins...  by the time I returned... Wen was fully dilated... and was ready to start pushing....  15mins later...  Elliott was born healthy, screaming, crying, and with a full head of hair! 

Approx 2hrs later.. .after Mom and baby were assessed to be health, patched up and stable... they asked us if we wanted to go home... we immediately said yes... and now we're chillax'n with our new son...   What a crazy morning... Thank God that Mom, baby and me made it through the quickest 1st birth ever....  

Thank you all for your prayers and support.  We are so grateful and excited to introduce Elliott to you all... 

Letting him in on it

Hope you all had a great weekend ladies! Fall is in full effect here and the colours of the trees are just breath taking! 

So in some developing news - I've been losing my mucus plug this weekend - starting Saturday! I don't believe that means I'll be going into labour this second - but it is a good sign right? I've been in super overdrive mode to get things done and in order - I really can't believe that our baby Sprout is almost here! 

Per my post title today...it's a big step for me. I'm letting my hubby in on my blog.  I mean, he's known about it since Day 1 - but I've always maintained that this would be a place that I keep to myself, at least until now. In the beginning, this blog had helped me get through one of the toughest times of my life.  It was here that I learned more about myself than I thought I ever could.  It was here that I developed friendships with all of you that were going through your own struggles with loss and infertility.  I had known from the beginning that I would share my blog with my hubby, and even though he knows all my inner thoughts and feelings, it's different when it's in writing, does that make sense?  I thought it would be nice for him to start reading it now, as we approach the biggest moment of our lives,  so that he will see this journey, through my eyes. 

So, welcome, my sweet hubby - and happy reading! :)

Sprout's Nursery

So as I mentioned in today's previous post, Sprout's nursery is all done and I'm so proud of it! My hubby gave me free reign over the design of it and I might be biased but I think it turned out great! 

Before:

 

During:

And...drumroll....after!