Despite everything this year

...I am pleasantly surprised how much I am enjoying all the holiday hoop-la and festivities

...I am so blessed to have such a wonderful hubby beside me in this journey, and I am also thankful for my close family and a great group of friends 

...I can still laugh with my whole being

...I can still hold babies without wanting to cry

...I am so glad to have met all of you bloggy buddies - even though it meant that we all had to go through our own bumps in the road - I do not know how I would have survived without the support of this group

...I am still invested in Project:Me, and intend to keep it up in 2010

...I remain hopeful of what God has in store for me


The next few days are going to be busy, but just wanted to get these thoughts down before they fade. 

Merry Christmas lovely ladies: for those first time mommies out there - may you have a wonderful 1st Christmas with your precious babies - cherish every moment like I know you will, and enjoy! For those that are currently waiting anxiously for their bundle of joy - remember what this Christmas is like because it will probably be your last 'quiet' one until the baby is born :)  and lastly, I know for some of you it won't be an easy time this Christmas, but better days are ahead, I just know it - embrace those you love and who love you - and God Bless.

so this is weird

Today is CD22. And AF just arrived.  I've never had AF this early? is this because of my sono this cycle? did it move things along?  I have no idea.
I had to go do my CD 21 and 22 blood work today to check my progesterone levels so I'm not sure how this will affect my results.   I think that I may need to start using OPK's this cycle to pin point my O days since the last O was a bit of a surprise to me.   Hubby and I went for our karotyping tests last Friday and it was nice we were early enough to be in and out, and even had time for breakfast together downtown before I dropped him off at work.

Sorry I haven't been blogging lately because as you might remember, I'm hosting 3 Christmas parties this year and #1 was this past weekend. It was a fab success and I'm looking forward to #2 this Saturday.  The plus side is that the house is already clean and I'm pretty much doing the same set up and food so not too much work again. I am more nervous about cooking a turkey for my in-laws and my family when they come over for Christmas (#3) so fingers crossed that all goes well! Keeping it short and sweet - but here's a pic of the cups that I 'made' for my guests at the party last weekend - it was a huge hit and super easy to do! All you need is some great pics, a colour printer, and large address labels!

All clear...and a lightbulb moment

So I survived the sono! Thanks ladies for sharing your experiences with me -- it totally eased my mind and prepared me for it (and thx Laura for the rythmic tapping tip - I totally did it while I was on the table)

So the doctor who did the procedure was great, she told me everytime she was doing something and that I would likely feel a cramp coming on.  I was given a play by play by the technican, who was very reassuring and even hinted to me before the doctor came in the room that if I wanted, I could also ask for my tubes to be checked,  since they were in there anyway. 

It wasn't something that the specialist had asked for, but no harm done right? So when the dr. came in I just casually hinted at it and she's like, sure np! We'll take a look while we're in there! So I had an impromptu 'flushing' of the tubes as well as the sono today.  Per the technican, she said my tubes looked fabulous, and everything looked great in the uterus, no fibroids or cysts or abnormality. 

Then she asked me - what day did you say you're on right now? CD12.  And when do you normally ovulate?  hmmm by my guess (and not by charting or opks) I thought it was CD14/CD15.  She's like hmm.

hmm?

She told me that it looked like I had ovulated already! either just this morning or before -but there was no follie there ready to drop - already gone! I was shocked.  CD12?  really?  This whole time I thought I ovulated much later and therefore, BD'd according to what I had thought.  I'm no dr. , but I'm wondering if that has anything to do with the miscarriages?  the 'freshness' of the egg?  b/c when we BD'd, we always aimed for CD13, CD15, CD17, give or take.  Which means, that when I got pregnant those 3 times, it was when my egg wasn't as fresh as it could have been.  

So I excitedly called my hubby afterwards to share this new revelation - and he's all excited and said - well, should we try then?  But that brings me back to my last post.  I really truly believe that we should find out if there is anything wrong that we can prevent before we get pregnant again-- but then it's like - how often do I get to know exactly when I ovulated? 

Argh. God has taught me a lot of patience this year.  What's 9 more weeks right?

But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

I leave you with a picture of the beautiful Angel Wings that I received in the mail today from Christa - thank you so much for them - everytime I walk by my tree now I will think of my angel babies, and also of the support that I have found here in blog land this year. *hugs*

Appointment details

Thanks for all the positive thoughts and prayers for my RPL appt yesterday - I certainly needed them! The appointment ended up being with another doctor, not the 'guru' Dr. L - apparently I don't get to see him until after the results (in 9 weeks) and until I get preggers again. 

So this other autoimmune specialist chick did a quick physical (no internal) and asked me a slew of questions to start building my profile - and then came the requis.iti.on forms. Like I'm talking 5 of them - each with a whole lotta tests on them.  As she ran off each one, where to go to get them, ultrasound this, son.o.hysterog.ram that, my mind just started spinning.  I knew this was what I was in for, but it was just all coming so fast I could barely keep up with paper and pen in hand (thanks Christa for the tip).

So my appt ended in about 45 mins, and I was off to get the blood drained out of me. No kidding, the first draw was about 10 vials *cringe* and then I was off to a hospital a block away to do another panel of bloodwork - another 7 vials *double cringe*.

(for those that are curious, they were all the antibodies - anti-ds DNA, anti-ss DNA, anti-lym.phocyte, anti-ca.rdiolipin lgG, anti-cardi.olipin lgM. Then the coag.ulati.on panel: russell's vi.per venom time (?), kaol.in ce.phalin, clotting ime, partial thro.mbo.plastin time - lu.pus specific, and dilute pro-thr.ombin) (the one at the hosp i didn't write down -shucks! but it was a full panel of th-something)

In between the bloodwork was a urine sample...then back to the clinic for an external and internal ultrasound (this I was totally not 'prepped' for - if you know what I mean ladies - I had not keep the hedges trimmed in the past few weeks but at this point, it's like who cares right?).  I wasn't supposed to have the u/s yesterday but apparently it was perfect timing because they wanted me to be in between day 9-12 of my cycle and I was on CD10. 

To my suprise, I find out that because of this impeccable timing of my cycle, I am scheduled to come back Friday (tomorrow) to do the son.o.hysterog.ram (SHSG) - which is the one with the saline.  I'm a bit nervous about it b/c they kept reminding me to eat lunch, then take 2 advil -- so please ladies, if you have had any experiences (good or bad) please share with me b/c I need some real assurance as to what's going to happen tomorrow. 

We're not done yet.  DH and I are also going to get karot.yp.ing tests done - but that can only be done on either a Monday or a Friday between 7am -10am so we'll both have to go back next Friday do get that draw.

Lastly, they want to check my prog.est.er.one levels on CD21 & CD22 so I'll have to go and get draws then - but good thing is I can go to any lab and not all the way downtown.

Whew. crazy day right? I'm glad to finally have all of these tests done, but at 3 pm yesterday I was just exhausted after being poked and prodded all day.  DH was great company and I'm glad he was able to come with me. We ended off the day on a high note - we decided the last minute to go and check out TVs at Be.s.t B.uy...in Buffalo,NY.  It's about a 2.5 hour drive from us but it was worth it b/c we ended up getting a TV at a super great deal, AND had dinner at the Chee.se.c ake Fac.to.ry (you guys are so lucky to have it! I looove it and can only get it in Buffalo NY :( 

So all was not lost of our vacation day after all. I'm hopeful to find out if there are any specific issues that we can address, and most importantly, fix -- but my results appt isn't until Feb 8th so the fact that it's so far away will be hard! Especially since they advised that we do not get pregnant before then. I'm torn. Should we completely stop trying or just go with it? We are leaning towards the - let's find out the results and then start trying again but we also feel like the more and more weeks go by, the more opportunities (well 2 opportunities) will be missed! Advice? Thoughts?

Thanks for reading what ended up being a majorly long post - and please keep me in your prayers tomorrow when I go for my sono!  :(