Tuesday, April 6, 2010

9 weeks and random thoughts

Tomorrow will be official 9 weeks. That would make it the furthest I have ever been in any of my pregnancies and it scares the crap out of me. 

As much as I'm trusting that God knows what He's doing and this is all a part of the grand plan, I'm still afraid that I will wake up one morning and this, all of this, will have disappeared in an instant. Perhaps I'm not as trusting as I thought I was. I guess I know what I will be praying for tonight - faithfulness. 

Some random thoughts as we get into week 9: 

I'm almost out of my low dose thyroid medication and I have to go back to my Family Physician to get a blood draw so she has the final say on whether or not to continue on these pills.  I am terrified of stopping them although I'm no doctor, I'm feeling anxious that if I stop what I'm doing, that something will happen to the baby. Just to refresh, I'm currently taking the thyroid med, baby aspirin, and 400 mg progesterone suppositories daily. I'm afraid that my health and this baby's health is in the hands of someone who hasn't been with me through my journey in the last 9 months.

The RE's office called today with my ultrasound results from March 31st. A bit delayed but they confirmed that everything looked great and the baby's hb was actually 158 bpm, not 155 (what DH read on the monitor to me) - whatever, I'll take it.  They still have yet to schedule me my last appt - but they did remind me to make my appt with my OB soon.  

Work wise I am in the middle of the busiest time ever. I have so much to do coming up it's either a) going to help me speed past the 1st trimester or b) be the beginning of a slow burn out. I really hope it's not b) and I have to keep reminding myself that it is just work and that I have a team of ppl that I work with, not just me. I have an event in Ottawa next week but instead of taking the 1 hr flight there, I'll be driving 4 -5 hours. Well, DH will be driving. We decided to make it a mini-getaway for my upcoming birthday, which is the day before my big work event. So we're going to head to Montreal on Sunday and spend the day and evening there, and then head back to Ottawa so I can get to my event for the following day.  My doctor never said anything about not flying, but my Mom and another friend (the one who also had a m/c but is now happily preggers at 19 weeks) mentioned in passing that they didn't think it would be a good idea to fly and although I argued it at first - I just couldn't bear living with the thought that if something happened, it would be because I insisted on flying.  Plus now I get to spend some more q-time with DH so it worked out.  I did have to let the cat out of the bag though with my manager seeing as her and I were supposed to fly together.  She was very supportive and totally cool with keeping it a secret until I was ready to 'come out' to the world.

Lastly, I think people at work are starting to look at me funny. I think they think that I've gained a lot of weight recently but don't want to say anything. I have a rather small frame (and I'm only 5 feet) so how ever little weight I put on is visible right away.  I'm starting to get a noticeable bulge around my mid section (and no, I don't think it's baby) and I can no longer 'suck it in'.   I also can't fit into many of my tops nicely anymore because of my ginormous boobs.  This makes for very uncomfortable and ill-fitting clothes on my otherwise-always-fashionable self (at least, that's what ppl tell me). I can't wait until I have an actual baby bump so at least ppl will know it's not that I'm not taking care of myself.  I swear! 

Don't get me wrong, I am not spending my days in fear but this post reveals what is lurking in the back of my mind, every day. And as grateful as I am to have a 'normal' progressing pregnancy so far, I know how lucky I am but it makes believing this will all turn out with a baby in my arms in November that just more fragile and vulnerable.

17 comments:

  1. I'd love to visit Canada someday. Have a wonderful birthday trip! Totally understand your worries about flying and stopping all the medication. I never had an early loss, but I was still a mess (and still am) from day 1. I did the progesterone supp. all the way to 14 weeks (I was afraid to stop them). Hang in there! It's gonna go by quickly.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so happy for u! Just FYI, I flew at 8-10 weeks of my pregnancy , from Hawaii to my and now I have a son. My doc said flying. Does not affect the pregnancy, he just didn't want me to be away from home if anything were to happen. As long as you are near medical facilities, you will be fine! Have fun!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I will continue to pray for you and the baby...I totally understand your fears, but try to have a good time on your trip. I see you mention that you take the following: thyroid med, baby aspirin, and 400 mg progesterone suppositories daily. I was on progestrone tablets, but a very low dose and started that when I was about 4-5 weeks along. I have always been curious about my thyroid...should have that tested and also my doc. mentioned about the baby aspirin...what is that for again? I wondering if these are things I should be on as well...we shall see.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I had to fly at 11 weeks and it also scared me. I didn't really have an option (closer to a 12 hour drive--and if you remember, that's when I ran into my mom at the airport flying somewhere completely unrelated). But it sounds like it will be a nice getaway. I'm praying for faithfulness--for both of us. It really is so hard, but I've gotta believe that God has an amazing plan for your life, and I deeply hope and pray it includes a baby in November (and September for us). God bless!

    ReplyDelete
  6. The mini getaway sounds awesome! Glad the ultrasound came back ok and hope everything goes well with the medication appointment. Yay to 9 weeks and moving on to the OB!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Even though I am 25+ weeks I still feel the way you do. I don't know how we can't feel this way after all of our losses. I'll keep you in my prayers and send some happy thoughts your way! Good luck and have fun on your mini vacation! :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your so funny about the "clothes not fitting"! lol
    It is a weird bloated stage until the bump actually pops out. In my case didn't happen until around 16 weeks, so until then I just looked like I got fat. I am also only 5'2 so not really anywhere for it to all go.
    So happy to hear things are still going great and can't wait to hear about more great dr visits!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wendy, I can understand removing medications. I was not on progesterone when we lost our first one at eight weeks and I was scared to death to get off of the progesterone with Jonathan, but he was fine and ultimately that is not why we lost him. The ob's office convinced me that the progesterone is not needed since the placenta takes over. They took me off progesterone at 13 weeks. I am so glad all is well. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Enjoy your trip! I know what you mean about flying. I had a trip right at six weeks and was nervous. I had an appointment with the doctor the day after I go back which was nice. Enjoy the extra time with DH!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Definitely mention your fears about the medication to your doctor. It can't hurt to be on for a little while longer, right? I was also on progesterone, and finished my suppositories at about 12 weeks. All has been fine since then.

    Enjoy the trip!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I pray that God will take away your worries and fears. I understand that feeling... When it was my 12th week which is when i had my loss last year I held my breath until I heard that heartbeat. I hope you have a wonderful getaway for your bday. My hubby + I LOVE Montreal and use to go at least 3x a year. Wishing you a safe trip!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh Wendy, I totally understand all those thoughts running around in your brain. Hang in there, mama, you are doing just great. YAY for making it to 9 weeks! What a beautiful thing. I hope you have a good time with DH on your getaway, you certainly deserve a little break!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I feel all of those awful, worried, anxious feelings too, but as the weeks tick by, I'm getting more and more secure. Just think, you're 75% through the first trimester. There - that sounds better, doesn't it?

    Enjoy Montreal; it's one of my very favourite cities, especially when it comes to eating. Just make sure not to wear your "sausage jeans" and to stay clear of cold water :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yay for 9 weeks. I am just so very happy for you. I completely understand your fears! I don't know if they completely go away but I can tell you that as you reach each exciting milestone, the excitement squelches them a bit.

    I am also on the petite side and starting showing very early. I didn't share our news until 12 weeks and worked very hard at keeping the belly hidden. I must have looked like such a bum!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Those lurking thoughts are little horrors. And they're impossible to ignore. But you're at 9 weeks!!! This is wonderful. And wonderful about the middle and the ginormous boobs:)

    I would talk frankly to your doc. If it's such a low dose of thyroid medication, I'd think they should let you stay on it. Anyway, you deserve for her to know what you've been dealing with and about the nervousness that is bound to be there. And I think you're really smart not to travel by plane. The MFM specialist I saw said he would definitely suggest no plane travel for me (next time, should it ever come). Just in case. I'm not even sure why, whether because of actual health reasons or because he understands that I'd always wonder, if something happened. But whatever it is, the open road with DH sounds really good:)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hope all is well. Just wanted to let you know I nominated you for a little sunshine on my blog!

    ReplyDelete