Tomorrow will be official 9 weeks. That would make it the furthest I have ever been in any of my pregnancies and it scares the crap out of me.
As much as I'm trusting that God knows what He's doing and this is all a part of the grand plan, I'm still afraid that I will wake up one morning and this, all of this, will have disappeared in an instant. Perhaps I'm not as trusting as I thought I was. I guess I know what I will be praying for tonight - faithfulness.
Some random thoughts as we get into week 9:
I'm almost out of my low dose thyroid medication and I have to go back to my Family Physician to get a blood draw so she has the final say on whether or not to continue on these pills. I am terrified of stopping them although I'm no doctor, I'm feeling anxious that if I stop what I'm doing, that something will happen to the baby. Just to refresh, I'm currently taking the thyroid med, baby aspirin, and 400 mg progesterone suppositories daily. I'm afraid that my health and this baby's health is in the hands of someone who hasn't been with me through my journey in the last 9 months.
The RE's office called today with my ultrasound results from March 31st. A bit delayed but they confirmed that everything looked great and the baby's hb was actually 158 bpm, not 155 (what DH read on the monitor to me) - whatever, I'll take it. They still have yet to schedule me my last appt - but they did remind me to make my appt with my OB soon.
Work wise I am in the middle of the busiest time ever. I have so much to do coming up it's either a) going to help me speed past the 1st trimester or b) be the beginning of a slow burn out. I really hope it's not b) and I have to keep reminding myself that it is just work and that I have a team of ppl that I work with, not just me. I have an event in Ottawa next week but instead of taking the 1 hr flight there, I'll be driving 4 -5 hours. Well, DH will be driving. We decided to make it a mini-getaway for my upcoming birthday, which is the day before my big work event. So we're going to head to Montreal on Sunday and spend the day and evening there, and then head back to Ottawa so I can get to my event for the following day. My doctor never said anything about not flying, but my Mom and another friend (the one who also had a m/c but is now happily preggers at 19 weeks) mentioned in passing that they didn't think it would be a good idea to fly and although I argued it at first - I just couldn't bear living with the thought that if something happened, it would be because I insisted on flying. Plus now I get to spend some more q-time with DH so it worked out. I did have to let the cat out of the bag though with my manager seeing as her and I were supposed to fly together. She was very supportive and totally cool with keeping it a secret until I was ready to 'come out' to the world.
Lastly, I think people at work are starting to look at me funny. I think they think that I've gained a lot of weight recently but don't want to say anything. I have a rather small frame (and I'm only 5 feet) so how ever little weight I put on is visible right away. I'm starting to get a noticeable bulge around my mid section (and no, I don't think it's baby) and I can no longer 'suck it in'. I also can't fit into many of my tops nicely anymore because of my ginormous boobs. This makes for very uncomfortable and ill-fitting clothes on my otherwise-always-fashionable self (at least, that's what ppl tell me). I can't wait until I have an actual baby bump so at least ppl will know it's not that I'm not taking care of myself. I swear!
Don't get me wrong, I am not spending my days in fear but this post reveals what is lurking in the back of my mind, every day. And as grateful as I am to have a 'normal' progressing pregnancy so far, I know how lucky I am but it makes believing this will all turn out with a baby in my arms in November that just more fragile and vulnerable.