Hubby has had a lot of 'contact' now with baby Sprout's movements - he's seen my tummy change shape, been kicked in the head while listening, and has felt Sprout tap dance almost every day.
Last night, as we were saying our goodnites and sweet dreams, hubby kissed my belly to wish Sprout goodnite and placed his hand there for a while to feel him/her move around. Sprout must've been settled in nicely because there was nothing for a while. Then DH shook my belly and said - hello in there? and was swiftly met by a 'stop bugging me!' kick from baby, and subsequent kicks and bobbles afterwards.
Hubby laughed and said "ok, ok - just checking to make sure you're still ok!" and rolled off to sleep.
As I struggled to find a comfy position to sleep in with my army of pillows, I thought to myself, those two words "just checking" - define what all of us here have gone through in our pregnancies after loss. The multiple pee sticks, the constant blood draws and rising (or not) betas, the torturous evaluation of TP in the first weeks, the monitoring of symptoms, the first heartbeat ultrasound, the anatomy scan, the GD tests, the fundal height measurements -- all of these "just checking" activities have reassured us and our healthcare practitioners that every thing is progressing as they should. I admit that I've never fully stopped the idea of "just checking" because I know how fragile life can be and at any moment be taken from us - but the reassuring kicks from Sprout have helped minimize those thoughts as the days and weeks pass by.
I guess I just didn't realize that DH had those "just checkin" moments too and it made me think just how far we have come, but have yet still to go. Faith in God has kept me strong through this, but at the same time, I wonder: when we we will ever really stop "checking"?