Tuesday, August 25, 2009


*non-IF post*

I'm lucky to have a great group of girlfriends, we get together every month to catch up over lunch, dinner, whatever works, as long as we get to see each other. Most of us have known each other since we were in grade school, so I'll call them the 'Lifelong Friends' group. I also have another set of close girlfriends that I met in university a decade ago - and one of them is my BFF (she was my maid of honor too). I've been having these conflicting feelings about our friendship lately - we used to be so close - we share the same outlook on life, we support each other spiritually, and have a fun time whenever we are together. Just lately, I've been feeling a silent distance grow in between us. I can't help but feel like I'm losing my BFF to what I can only explain is we are at completely different stages in our lives.

BFF is currently single, and completely engrossed in the party-and-meet-people scene. I love going out with friends but more for quality time and I haven't stepped foot into a club since my bachelorette party 3 yrs ago. BFF would rather go out on a weekend. I would love to curl up with some freshly popped popcorn and get lost in a movie with DH on Saturday night. BFF had an abortion years ago during a long term relationship that ended up broken. I lost two pregnancies unexpectedly. BFF wants to know everything about me when we get together. I still have not told her about miscarriage #2.

So we are getting together tonight to catch up - and I'm a bit wary of where the conversation might go. I want to spill all and tell her everything I've been going through these past few months - but at the same time - there is so much to say that I'm not even sure where to start. It's strange that I'm going through the toughest time in my life and my BFF has no idea...I cherish this friendship and I don't want it to be lost completely, but the events that have taken place in my life this year have changed me.
Here's hoping that tonight will shed some light on where this friendship is heading.


  1. I have the same (but different) problem with my BFF. She was my maid of honor and she is a friend from college that I've had for a little over 10 years. She is the opposite from your friend - she has an 18 month old daughter and she is married and very settled down. We're in very different places right now and we are having trouble relating. It sucks.
    I hope that in a few years this storm will calm down and we can get back to that place where we laughed at the same things and could understand without words.
    I hope tonight is fun for you and you can get your feeling out in a supportive environment.

  2. interestingly, I relate to this post as well. I hid my first and 2nd MC to my BFF group (we call ourselves the pho 5) until just after the 2nd MC. Telling them was the BEST thing I could do. They are like my cheering squad. Granted, they are all NOT in the position I am, (I'm the only married one who owns a house and is starting a family of the group), but they are a great group of girls and have really been there for me through my struggle. Of course they cannot relate to me in terms of IF or PG loss, but they each go through their own tough situations and we are able to bond over it. I'd suggest telling your BFF, you might just be surprised at how much support she'll be able to provide you.

  3. I think you should tell her. Hopefully if she is really your BF you will be happy in the end that you were able to talk with her about it. I also have one of my close friends who sounds a lot like your BF. My friend is a few years younger than me & also single and like's to party still. Also had an abortion years ago which she was very young/stupid so I have no hard feelings about.
    She knows what I have been going through and always tells me she is sorry & here for me but I don't talk with her much about it as she has no idea about IF & miscarriages and is not even at the stage yet to be thinking about babies.
    Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  4. I can relate too. I have a friend who knows about the first two, but not about the third m/c. I kind of feel like I just can't possibly open myself up to one more person. It's really hard.

    I've been particularly cautious because you can't UN-tell someone once you've told them. (Even so, there are a few people I wish I could un-tell!)

    I hope that whatever decision you make, you're able to feel good about it.