...actually, it probably seems like I've been around since I still log on to check in on all of you and still comment on your blogs! In any case, these past few weeks of 'silence' has been really really good for me.
I have completely invested myself into Project:Me and I'm feeling relaxed, at peace, and focused. I have committed to a regular exercise routine that has me up around 5:30/6 in the morning and although it's been tough, I've been seeing the positive results physically and also has affected my mood and my outlook on life and everything else in between.
I still wonder what it would be like, to be REALLY really pregnant (like 2nd trimester pregnant), and if I will ever one day be there; but somehow I am not sad like I used to be when I think of what's to come/and how long it will be until it does. I've pushed the negative thoughts to a corner, simply because that's where I've chosen to banish them for now -- but it is no longer consuming my every waking minute and it is no longer pulling me back into wallowing and dispair.
So I'm in a good place right now. But sadly, I got a call from one of my closest gf's last night letting me know that she too, was pregnant, but was currently going through her 1st m/c. I felt so raw, so completely devastated for her - and through her tears, she said that she now truly understood what I had been going through.
We talked for a while about what's to come (physically and emotionally) and I tried to give her as much support and pass along as much information as I know, having been a 'pro' at this now. *sigh*. After hanging up, I wondered to myself: was this in God's master plan all along? That the only way I could have supported my dear non-Christian friend in this dreadful time was to have been through it myself? To have someone so close to me go through the same thing so that I have some in-person support?
Who knows. But I know that she is going through a lot of pain and confusion right now - and I hope and pray that she will never ever have to go through it again.
I'm back, ladies, and I've missed you all!