Friday, November 6, 2009

Yes, I'm still here

...actually, it probably seems like I've been around since I still log on to check in on all of you and still comment on your blogs! In any case, these past few weeks of 'silence' has been really really good for me. 

I have completely invested myself into Project:Me and I'm feeling relaxed, at peace, and focused.  I have committed to a regular exercise routine that has me up around 5:30/6 in the morning and although it's been tough, I've been seeing the positive results physically and also has affected my mood and my outlook on life and everything else in between.

I still wonder what it would be like, to be REALLY really pregnant (like 2nd trimester pregnant), and if I will ever one day be there; but somehow I am not sad like I used to be when I think of what's to come/and how long it will be until it does.  I've pushed the negative thoughts to a corner, simply because that's where I've chosen to banish them for now -- but it is no longer consuming my every waking minute and it is no longer pulling me back into wallowing and dispair.

So I'm in a good place right now.  But sadly, I got a call from one of my closest gf's last night letting me know that she too, was pregnant, but was currently going through her 1st m/c.  I felt so raw, so completely devastated for her - and through her tears, she said that she now truly understood what I had been going through. 

We talked for a while about what's to come (physically and emotionally) and I tried to give her as much support and pass along as much information as I know, having been a 'pro' at this now. *sigh*.  After hanging up, I wondered to myself: was this in God's master plan all along?  That the only way I could have supported my dear non-Christian friend in this dreadful time was to have been through it myself? To have someone so close to me go through the same thing so that I have some in-person support? 

Who knows. But I know that she is going through a lot of pain and confusion right now - and I hope and pray that she will never ever have to go through it again.

I'm back, ladies, and I've missed you all!


  1. we've missed you. :) Good to see you focusing on yourself.

    God works in mysterious ways sometimes. Maybe he is using you to guide your friend through her grief of loosing her baby.

    I don't know if you saw it, but I sent up some balloons for your little ones on October 15th. I posted some pics on my entry for October 15th. :)

  2. Glad you are back. I've missed your posts.

    Well, God must be using me to mentor my little sister who didnt even realize she shouldn't be eating lunch meats and didn't even know what a bella band was. Poor thing was squeezing into her jeans. Oh, and he must also be using me to put drunk drivers behind bars since I've been hit by two of them in the last year and a half! Life is so frustrating sometimes.

    I like your Project:Me. I need one of those.

  3. Glad you are doing good and I love your Project Me. So sorry to hear about your friend.

  4. Happy to see you are back and trying so hard to see the positives in your situation. I'm so terribly sorry about your friend. Glad you are there for her.

  5. Happy to see you back and in such good spirits. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, how awful. She is lucky to have you, I am glad you are there to offer her support.

  6. I'm glad you are doing well these days. Focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do! You are a good friend to have shared your knowledge (as painful as it is to rehash)with your friend. Although it's terrible that you know so much, it will be a comfort to her to know she is not alone.

  7. I am so glad to see you are back and that Project:Me is working for you! I am so glad that your friend was able to turn to you for support. I had a friend to talk to and she really helped me realize that all of what I was feeling was normal.

  8. Wendy! Good to have you back (and it always put a smile on my face when you checked in on my blog). I pray that the "time away" was good to you and that God granted you peace and comfort. You're a good friend. She's blessed to have you.

  9. Just wanted to give you a cyber hug. I pray that God will give you your miracle sooner than later.

  10. after my mcs, I've discovered the reasons why I went through mine. Perhaps there is a reason for yours....Glad you're back and that the "me" time has helped. Still cheering you on!!