Full circle

I went for my follow up appointment with Dr. L this morning (the auto-immune specialist for recurring mc) - the last time I saw him was when I was around 11 weeks with Sprout and I clearly remember how I felt when he said 'ok kiddo, keep on incubating and I'll see you around 28 weeks'.  I remember feeling a bit nervous to be 'on my own' and also a bit hesitant that I would indeed make it that far to have this next follow up appointment with him.  

What I long way we've come.  As I took the elevator up to the 18th floor offices, I remembered what it felt like those many times I had taken the same route with unanswered questions in my head and about 20 blood tests and multiple ultrasounds ahead of me.  What it felt like to look around the waiting room and wonder where these other women were in their journeys. How long have they been trying?  Have they also been pregnant and had losses before?  Or could they not get pregnant because of egg or sperm issues and/or both? If our eyes made momentary contact it would always be filled with the same look - the despair, the yearning, and the tiredness from all of it. 

I wore a more loose fitting top today to try and make my belly less obvious as I thought it might make someone feel uncomfortable or upsetting.  I told my hubby this and he said - try to think of it as you're giving those women some hope - that one day it will be them in your place.  He's such a great guy. 

All went well with the appointment and I won't be seeing him again until 3 months after the baby is born - I guess to finally close the chapter on my file and call my case a success in his study.  I am to stop the baby aspirin at 33 weeks but that's about it - 'good luck and we'll see you and your baby next year'.  I felt like I just earned a gold star.  As I left and exited the waiting area I looked behind to see the women sitting there either alone or with their spouses - looking down to the ground or holding their hands tightly.  I said a quick prayer for them and wished them well - I was on my way and I sure hope that they don't have to wait long until it was their turn.