Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Manic Panic

Ok ladies so the rollercoaster began as of this morning, when I decided to take another pee test to see what the difference was from 14 DPO and today, 16 DPO. It freaked me out when I didn't really see a noticeable difference in the line darkness - I *think* it was a bit darker but it was really too close to tell.

So of course I'm starting to think everything is about to go downhill - my boobs are still sore (I sped up over speed bumps this morning and 'strutted' more in my high heels to 'make sure') - and I still have the dull cramping on and off and no bleeding/spotting; but the queasy feelings have subsided a bit. I still can't shake this nagging fear that this one is a goner too. 

I hate this, I hate not know for sure and I guess the reality of it all is that you never will know for sure until you have a baby in your arms at the end of it all.  I just have to keep trusting in God and place my fears and anxieties with Him.  I admire all you ladies that are currently a few weeks ahead of me in your journey - no part of this has been easy and I'm sure it will only get more 'interesting' as I get further and further. If I get further.

Please keep your prayers coming.  I need some strength right about now.

** update - Dr.'s office just called.  My HCG at 15 DPO is 50.  They said it was low and would like me to re-test next Wed. I asked why not sooner (b/c I thought it would be every 48 hrs) and she said the dr. said a week would be more tell-tale. I think it's because if I end up with another m/c there would be no point to do it more often - therefore if I haven't m/c by next week then it'll be 'testable'. Oh gosh, my head is spinning now.


  1. First of all I know this is hard but try to calm down. Go back and read my levels. I am proof that you can't be text book with the levels. If they fall now that is a different story, but don't worry about how high they are. I believe I also was 47 at 14DPO and my RE doctor told me that was fine. It's still really early. I wasn't even a day late at 14DPO. AF was due 15DPO.
    Also I assume you are seeing an OB or and RE?? Well if it's an OB sometimes they aren't as understanding of how nerotic us recurrent miscarriage women can be. I would def. as if you could at least come Monday to re-test. That is silly making you wait a full week. Remind them of your past and that it would REALLY help calm your nerves if you could come in sooner.
    Also how was your progesterone level?
    I am hoping for the best for you and baby.

  2. Thanks Nicole - but I just realized that my blood was drawn at 15 DPO and not 14 DPO - making me more of a nervous nellie right now. They didn't mention progesterone level. I think I will call to see if I can go Monday instead.

  3. I agree that you should ask for sooner. No reason to draw it out (either the waiting for bad news, or the waiting for good news.) A second beta should give you a much better picture. I hate when doctors use the first beta as an absolute measure of the strength of the pregnancy when really you need two betas to know what the deal is. Hoping for you. (My morning sickness came and went with my first, successful pregnancy, just so you know...)

  4. Oh Wendy, I pray that you feel God's presence and peace in your life right now. I pray that you find hope to which to cling, and that these nagging feelings subside. All I can say is that it's all in God's capable hands. You are doing everything that you can to provide life for this little one--God is in control of the rest. I pray that you have peace in this time of not knowing. Thinking of you and praying for you!

  5. I am in absolute agreement with everyone that you should ask (demand) another test sooner. Why wait??! I'm sorry things are so difficult for you so soon. I am praying for you that you get answers soon and can relax.

  6. ((Big Hug)) Wendy, take a deep breath, just breathe. I know how hard this is, but it's out of your hands right now (which totally sucks, I know). All you can do is focus on where you are right now...and right now you are pregnant. No one knows what tommorrow will bring, so try your best to live for today ( I know it's easier said than done). Keep yourself busy, go out for dinner with some friends, go to the spa, go shopping, go to the movies. Go visit the ones you love, curl up with a great book, go for a walk with your hubby. I have found the less time I have to sit around and worry, the better off I am. Keep blogging your fears, you need lots of support right now, we're here to listen. Stay strong and take care.

  7. Today is a crazy day for all of us. I'm in no position to offer advice, but I'll be thinking of you.
    Next wednesday is a ridiculously long time to wait.

  8. Oh I sooo know how you are feeling right now, and I am so so sorry. It's such an awful ride to be on. I'm thinking of you, praying that your bean hangs on and grows nice and strong.

  9. bleh. Everyone gave good advice already. You wont know anything till our next test. Personally with this pregnancy, I opted to drag it out (didn't want to rush to the doctors right away), b/c I didnt want to fret with #s. I told myself, my body is going to do what it's going to do...and prayed, a lot. I stood on my faith. Maybe these posts will help you out too? Check out my late March early April posts for more. Just know that we're here rooting you on.