Monday, September 21, 2009

Oh boy.

I'm pregnant. 

(CD 28/14 DPO)

I am breathless. I am numb. I am scared. But I am also so thankful to God for giving us another shot, another chance.

Rewind back to last night - I lay there for a few hours, tossing and turning, anticipating what today would bring.  It was like I had the good and bad angel on my shoulders: 

Bad angel: You were probably just imagining that your boobs were sore, full and heavy.
Good angel: But how do you explain the other nite -was it bad wedding food or was it really nausea that hit you on the way home?
Good angel: What if you're pregnant? what month would my EDD be?
Bad angel: What if you're not? are you ready to start this all over again?
Good angel: If you are preggers, will you be able to travel for work in November?
Bad angel: Why are you even thinking that far ahead?

and so on and so on.

I was frustrated that DH was sound asleep and I was no where close to it so I got out of bed and consulted with Dr. Google on 13DPO symptoms until my eyelids got heavy and I ran out of 'search for x symptom' ideas.

I woke up when it was still dark outside, it must have been about 5 am.  I had already unpacked the pee sticks the night before so I wouldn't make a lot of noise with the packaging in the morning so I just grabbed one beside my box of pads and held my breath. I flipped it over so I couldn't see anything and counted to 30 before taking a deep breath and psyching myself up to seeing the result. The pic above said it all.  To feel joy and fear all in the same moment was a strange feeling.

I took a couple of deep breaths and woke DH up to tell him the news.  It was funny because he was half asleep, half awake when I blurted out that we're pregnant again - and once he realized I was really talking to him and it wasn't a dream, he grabbed me into a big hug and we congratulated each other with a big kiss;) I told him to go back to sleep - which he did - but I lay there with thoughts racing, already a to-do list in my mind, and waves of nausea no matter which way I was laying down (I'm not complaining though - I never had this this early in any of my previous pregnancies so I'm actually embracing it)

I've been calling my OB's office all day to try and get an appt to get bloodwork done, but in the meantime, I went to the pharmacy as soon as it opened this morning to fill out my script for Prom.etrium ( Supp.ositor.ies).  Can I say Ew and Gross, ladies. They don't even come with an applicator!  They *look* like pills you can swallow but according to the pharmacist (who was very sweet btw, I'll tell you more about that conversation in another post) I had to shove this tiny ball (it literally looks like a pellet) up my hooha and call it a day.  Twice a day.  I did it this morning and (sorry tmi)  I couldn't tell if I had gotten it up far enough but since it didn't fall out I'm assuming I did good. 

And so I've been sitting here, trying to go about my job (yes I was still working and taking conference calls through all of this!) and yearning for the phone to ring.  I gave the OB's office two phone #'s to reach me and I have to give them credit, they did call me this morning, but I was at the pharmacy. They didn't call my cell but it's my fault I should've just given them one number in the first place. 

I stocked up a few more tests so I can use those to see how dark the line is getting if I don't get to see my OB soon.  I just really really need to see those levels go up so I don't go into panic mode.  It is still really early in the pregnancy so I'm hoping the supp.ositor.ies keep my lining nice and thick and strong. Please keep us in your prayers - I will need a lot of them these next few months!

I just want this baby so badly. I want to be his/her's Mommy. I want my hubby to be a Daddy.

Please God, please let us keep this one.

***(I am so sorry if this post hurts any of my fellow blogger friends - I am right there with you, feeling your pain of this constant roller coaster. I have not forgotten how it feels like to not be the one giving the news.)

**** update: OB office just called and I got an appt for tomorrow we go..


  1. Oh my!!! HUGE congratulations, Wendy. I've been following your blog and reading... hoping and praying that you would get another chance soon. I hope this is IT for you! I will be thinking positive, *sticky* thoughts for you and your bean! Through it all, seeing that second line pop up was the MOST beautiful sight in the world - and I still get chills seeing pics like that one. Gorgeous!

  2. Congrats! We've been trying since May. No luck with implantation yet and will be starting hormone testing this month. Hopefully we'll have the + soon! Looking forward to following your story!

  3. Oh Wendy! Thank God! I've been praying for you, and will continue to do so. I do admit that I wish I was along on this journey with you in the "knocked-up mode", but I'll continue to be here for you in just the "support mode" for now. I believe you said your first EDD date was coming up, so this must be bitter sweet--but I hope that in light of this new, it can be mostly "sweet". God bless!

  4. OMG!!!!!!!!! Soooooo happy for you. I know you must be a nervous wreck right now as I was and still am. You just have to remind yourself to take it day by day. I continue to have to remind myself of this every day still.
    As far as the progesterone they are so much fun. NOT! I have been on them a few weeks now and def won't be missing them when I can stop.
    Good luck at the dr and keep us posted!!

  5. Congratulations and fingers crossed that this is the one. I'm so happy for you!

  6. CONGRATULATIONS WENDY!!!! =) Now the real rollacoaster begins. Guess we know what was also a contributing cause to the tears when you saw your friend and her new baby. You got pregnancy hormones. Celebrate in the now and today. Today you are pregnant!!! =)

  7. WOOOHOOOOO!!!! This is such great news!! Congratulations! Hopefully I'll get to join you. 10 more very long days to go! You are in my prayers!!

  8. Wendy - congratulations!! I came across your blog on Baby Center and am so glad to see your BFP!!!! I have a similar story to yours and have had 2 m/c since April trying for baby #1. I will be starting to ttc next month and this gives me such hope. Although your next few months will be filled with anxiety and worry, try to stay positive. I will keep you in my prayers:=)


  9. I am so happy for you! I know you're a bit scared right now but just keep saying your prayers. I have good feelings about this. You're more than due for your bundle of joy. Keep us posted.

  10. Wendy, this is wonderful news! I'm right there with you on the good/bad angel on your shoulder.
    I'll be thinking about you today. Let us know how the appointment goes.

  11. Congratulations Wendy, I'm so very happy for you. Just take it one day at a time. Stick to your mantra and remember to breath. I hope & pray that this time it will all work out((BIG HUG))