Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Bumming...big time

All the signs this month pointed to it. I was so sure. My cycle lately has been anywhere from 26-28 days (My regular cycle has always been 28) - so yesterday when CD26 came and went without no signs of AF showing up - I let myself hope just a little bit more than the day before. I debated over and over with myself this morning whether or not I should test or just wait until at least CD29.  

I don't know why I thought it would make me feel better to know now vs. in a few days - but this week has just been crazy in my mind thinking 'am I or aren't I' so I decided to sacrifice my last hpt (from the box from my 3rd bfp in Sept) and go for it. 


I stuffed the test in one of the drawers in my washroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face with such fervor and determination as I was preparing myself how to deal with a + or a - . 


Hubby came in soon after and was going about shaving and I told him that I had taken The Test and asked him whether or not he would look with me. 


So we took a deep breath and pulled open the drawer together. My heart never sank so deep as it did this morning.  Staring at that lonely line was so disheartening and whatever hopes I had for this month plummeted to a "how could you be so stupid to let yourself think this was going to be it?" feeling. 

I was so sure.  

Technically, if you remember - the dr. said to hold off on bd'ing until we find out what the results were but we weren't 'not' trying and if I think back to all the times we did the deed - it would have been perfect timing.  So what happened?  


I was so sure. 


So now we wait to see when AF decides to show up and torment me again. And Monday is just around the corner so I guess that's something to look forward to. 


Argh!





10 comments:

  1. Bummer! I've had those "so sure" months as well (most recently November). I'm so sorry. I'm praying for comfort as you prepare for Monday's appointment. Hang in there!

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  2. I am so sorry! I hope you'll get good news soon. For what it's worth, I was supposed to start on day 26. I had three negative home pregnancy tests before I finally got a positive on day 31. So far, everything is still going well! Sending happy thoughts your way...

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  3. Sorry for the letdown. Seeing that stupid negative is always the worst. And it's as if AF knows that you are optimistic and plays tricks with you. Only 5 days until your results appt and then you will really get to try.

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  4. I'm sorry! I know how frustrating that is. Took us 7 months to get PG again after my last miscarriage. But now that this PG is going so good I think of it as maybe a blessing. My body was finally waiting for my sticky lil pea!
    Good luck @ your appt. and can't wait to hear what they have to say for you.

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  5. Oh man, I'm so sorry. I've been there and know exactly. I pray you have a great upcoming appointment and get some answers.

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  6. Argh! I hate when all the signs point in the right direction and then it's a big let-down. :(

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  7. Argh! Bummer. HATE when that happens. Sorry, Wendy... :( :( :(

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  8. Wendy, not trying to give you false hope, but they say you shouldn't POAS till you are a week late. I know I never had much luck with urine tests so I always have blood tests done in the doc office. Just something to think about if AF doesn't arrive. *hugs* Thinking of you.

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