All the signs this month pointed to it. I was so sure. My cycle lately has been anywhere from 26-28 days (My regular cycle has always been 28) - so yesterday when CD26 came and went without no signs of AF showing up - I let myself hope just a little bit more than the day before. I debated over and over with myself this morning whether or not I should test or just wait until at least CD29.
I don't know why I thought it would make me feel better to know now vs. in a few days - but this week has just been crazy in my mind thinking 'am I or aren't I' so I decided to sacrifice my last hpt (from the box from my 3rd bfp in Sept) and go for it.
I stuffed the test in one of the drawers in my washroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face with such fervor and determination as I was preparing myself how to deal with a + or a - .
Hubby came in soon after and was going about shaving and I told him that I had taken The Test and asked him whether or not he would look with me.
So we took a deep breath and pulled open the drawer together. My heart never sank so deep as it did this morning. Staring at that lonely line was so disheartening and whatever hopes I had for this month plummeted to a "how could you be so stupid to let yourself think this was going to be it?" feeling.
I was so sure.
Technically, if you remember - the dr. said to hold off on bd'ing until we find out what the results were but we weren't 'not' trying and if I think back to all the times we did the deed - it would have been perfect timing. So what happened?
I was so sure.
So now we wait to see when AF decides to show up and torment me again. And Monday is just around the corner so I guess that's something to look forward to.