Saturday, February 27, 2010

Serenity now

Been having the strangest dreams lately. All which make little sense after coming out of the sleepy fog but for some reason or other, it has become quite common that I've been waking up drenched in sweat. 

I mean like, my pj's sticking to my back and bum kind of sweat.  I usually end up throwing all the covers off of me and try to get to side of the bed where there is still a sliver of coolness on the mattress that was untouched by my gross sweaty body. 

Gross eh?  

Anyhoos. 

Had a great time at our monthly girls' nite last night. Felt kinda awkward when I had to excuse myself to go to the washroom to stick another huge candy corn sized P-Sup up my hoo-ha - esp. awkward b/c my gf lives in a basement apartment and the only washroom is literally right next to the living room and everywhere else.  

Girl's gotta do whatcha gotta do right? 
The P-Sups are definitely impacting my body now- the girls are all tingly and sore, I'm feeling bloated 80% of the time, and I literally couldn't keep my eyes open after 10:30 in between keeping up the chatter with my lovely ladies.  


Got home just after midnight and promptly passed out after washing up, only to wake up again at 3 to go the washroom and then again at 9 to commence Operation Candy Corn.  Only when I woke up the second time this morning, a crazy thought popped into my head. 



Maybe I should POAS - just for the fun of it? 


And as quickly as it came into my head, I tried to push it out.  That's just crazy talk. Today is only 11DPO.  


But in my sweaty, sleepy fog, the thought crept back in.  I had already been so calm during my 2WW - and I would be ok with either outcome - so, what's the diff between now and Tuesday when I go in for a scheduled beta? 


So I did.  


POAS. 






and it was a faint positive.



My heart started pounding when I saw the hint of the other line appear to make the 'plus' sign.  I turned it over as I washed my hands.  Turned it over again to double check.  And held up to light to triple check.  


DH was still sound asleep so I placed the hpt in his drawer, on top of his electric shaver, and crawled back into bed and said a quick prayer.  I prayed for strength, I prayed for faithfulness, I prayed for what was to come, whether or not this will be ours to keep in 9 months.   

Mostly, I sent prayers up of thanks. I am so thankful to have this shot again. Thank you God. Thank you so much. 


I made myself a promise that I would not stress or panic over symptom-hunting or beta-obsessing. I will accept whatever will be and I'll need your help to remind me of this promise I made to myself when and if I do start to hyperventilate.I will need your help to pray for me and for this new life, my lil' prayer warriors.  I know that whatever God ordained is already in play, so whether or not this new life is with us for a short while, just to give us hope - that we'll be ok.

Today I am pregnant - as per a fellow blogger - I am pregnant until proven otherwise. 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
~ Isaiah 41:10
p.s. We officially woke up out of bed around 10 and I kept glancing over at DH while we were brushing our teeth to see when he would open his drawer.  He hopped in the shower and I left the bathroom after I was done my business.  He normally shaves after a shower so I knew it was going to be a while.  I was in the living room casually and watching HGT.V non-chalant type of way when the shower stopped. DH burst out of the washroom a few seconds after that and proclaimed "I knew something was up!!" while flinging my faint positive pee stick around.  We embraced and kissed. We both knew this was a blessing. We both knew that this was not going to be any easy road ahead. 

But for the moment this morning, we enjoyed whole wheat pancakes, omelettes and hash browns to commemorate our fourth chance.  I totally love this man and I want him to be a daddy one day.  Hopefully this will be ours to hold. 

12 comments:

  1. Wendy this is just perfect news!!! So happy for you! Yes, you will be in my prayers! It won't be long until you hold your precious 'lil one in your arms so hang in there and stay strong as you always are! God is truly amazing.

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  2. Oh, I'm so, so happy for you!! What an exciting day! I really hope this is the one. (My husband and I are both "normal" too, and have no real reason for two of our three miscarriages - one was chromosomal). I'm hoping for you that you've just had awful luck, like us, and that the progesterone will help to solidify this pregnancy and make it the one that works. ((hugs))

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  3. Wendy I am so very happy for you! Congratulations! I know how scared you are and will be praying for you and your hubby non stop. This has made my whole weekend! You deserve it so so much. God is great!!!

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  4. I LOVE THIS POST!! I'm so excited for you!! I know this is going to be so scary for awhile, but I really hope this one is here to stay. I will be praying for you and can't wait to hear how each appointment goes and to hear your lil baby is growing stronger each week. I can't wait for you to experience everything I have been able to with our sweet Lil Pea so far. It's all so amazing and you definitely deserve this!!
    Thinking of you♥

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  5. We were helping friends move all day yesterday...so I didn't read this until this morning. I woke a little bit before my alarm, so lay in bed praying for whoever popped into my head this morning. You were one of the first people to come to mind, and I was guessing you would be getting close to poas-ing. How great to wake up to this post! I'm so happy for you! And I'll hold you to your commitment to trust God's plan through this all. It is tough not to obsess, but He'll be there for you. I'm praying for you! God bless!

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  6. I was so glad to read this! I don't know how you had the patience to wait for your husband to discover your test, but the outcome was worth it. Today you are pregnant. Enjoy!

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  7. Yay, yay, YAY!!! Congratulations, good luck, and I'm sending lots of prayers and sticky dust your way!!! {{{Happy Hugs!!}}}

    "Operation Candy Corn"... ROFL!!!

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  8. Congrats! I don't know how you could have not told your DH immediately, but so cute! Congrats again! I will be praying for you.

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  9. Congratulations Wendy!!! I'm so happy for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!!

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  10. How wonderful! Congratulations! I'm so thrilled for you and praying for all the things you ask for!
    Love,
    Maddy

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  11. Wendy, I am so excited for you!!! This is fabulous news. :)

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